


Twenty-Five Things

by cafephan



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 20k+, Comfort, Dan's Birthday 2016, Fluff, Humour, Kissing, Reality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-11
Updated: 2016-06-11
Packaged: 2018-07-14 10:56:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 22,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7168268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cafephan/pseuds/cafephan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A present Dan receives for his twenty-fifth birthday causes him to relive twenty-five key, happy moments in his life. </p>
<p>(or, twenty-five individual oneshots in honour of Dan’s twenty-fifth birthday!!)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Twenty-Five Things

A/N: The concept for this fic is inspired by _**[this video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QU6URJ62uJE)**_ , as are some of the prompts!

* * *

 

 He didn’t expect to have spent hours slaving over the task of completing the reading of a book that was only twenty-five pages long. But nevertheless, there sat Dan Howell, sprawled across the desk in his and Phil’s shared hotel room in Vegas, eyes scanning curiously yet eagerly across the thin pages of the book that he had found buried in his bag mere hours before.

_’25 things I have learned in my 25 years of life’_ was intriguing by title alone, and it was mesmerising to Dan how each little point that the anonymous author wrote triggered anecdotes from Dan’s own life. The book had been a novelty gift from one of the crew for his twenty-fifth birthday, solely because of the title and same age of the presumed author, and this was the first time Dan had really looked at it.

The words on each page seemed to almost dance off of the paper, and each anecdote that Dan recalled was relived in vivid colour and detail, and though he was majorly sleep-deprived, he never felt more awake than when he was taken back into a daydream state of recollection.

* * *

**_1\. There are exceptions, but for the most part, happiness is a choice. Choose it._ **

 

October 2009. The train station was blustery, and Dan regretted opting for a simple checked overshirt as opposed to an appropriate jacket or coat, but he had bigger things to worry about.

He gulped as he looked up at the boards detailing the next departures and arrivals, specifically as he saw the train he was booked on, stating that Manchester Piccadilly was one of the stops. He subconsciously clenched his fists, crinkling his ticket in the process, and staggered backwards.

It was surreal. Truly, it was, it was happening. He padded over to a nearby bench, and flopped beside a tight-lipped businessman tentatively sipping on a piping hot coffee, who cast a disapproving side-eyed glance before standing up and walking onto the platform. Dan scrambled to a straight-backed sitting position, and took a deep breath. He flicked his gaze over to the board again, and saw that only one more train was due to arrive before his, so he retrieved his phone, but halted, tossing the device around in his hands.

He placed his head in his hands a second later, involuntarily leaping into a state of overthinking. Was he making a mistake? He didn’t want to wreck whatever it was that he had with Phil, what if he was disappointed when he saw Dan in person? It could happen. It probably would happen. Maybe he should just get his ticket refunded and go home, let his anxiety win once again, let the inevitable depression overcome him.

It would probably just be best if he-

His phone began to ring, the caller ID displayed a screenshot from one of Phil’s latest videos, and Dan felt a shiver down his spine.

As was usual by this point, his palms turned clammy and he began to shake, but he managed to click ‘accept’ before the call went to voicemail.

“Is your train there yet? Are you on it now? Did you find your seat okay?” Phil began eagerly firing questions before Dan had a chance to greet him. Simply hearing Phil’s voice brought over an overwhelming sense of guilt, Dan had basically made up his mind regarding the choice of whether or not to go. Surely it was better this way, for Phil’s sake.

“I,” Dan could only stutter as he attempted to tell Phil the news, but his voice caught in his throat, he was physically incapable. “I don’t” he got one extra word out before choking on his own attempt, and then he gave up.

He hung up, just as Phil was asking if he was okay. Because he wasn’t, how could he be?

But it was better this way, for Phil. For Dan, not so much, but Phil was rapidly becoming the most important person in Dan’s life, and as pathetic as it may sound, he always put Phil first, even before himself.

His phone immediately began vibrating as Phil called again and again, and sent texts sporadically in between, but Dan ignored them all, placing his phone inside his backpack, out of sight. He slowly stood up from the bench and set for heading in the general direction of the ticket offices to ask for his refund, but a gentle tap on his shoulder stopped him in his tracks.

He spun around and was face to face with an elderly woman, who smiled sweetly up at him.

“Can I help you?” Dan asked, assuming the woman desired a mundane task completing on her behalf, the least he could do was perform one good deed today, as he sure as hell wasn’t chasing his own happiness.

“Actually yes, come and sit with me” she gestured to the café in the station, and the only empty table and chair set outside it.

So, Dan followed her, incredibly confused. He sat awkwardly, facing the woman as he waited her to begin speaking, which took longer than he would have ideally desired.

“Excuse me for eavesdropping, but were you on the phone to your girlfriend or boyfriend before?” she asked, and Dan’s eyes widened in surprise. Not that he was offended in any way, just that she could deduce the relationship from Dan not saying a word.

“He could have been, if I could just go through with it” Dan mumbled, throwing his crinkled ticket on the table in frustration, he was still fighting the inward battle with his own mind, and he had yet to win.

“Are you meeting him today?” the woman asked, seeming genuinely interested.

“Supposed to be, but I’ve wimped out” Dan answered solemnly, dipping his head.

“May I ask why?” the woman asked. Some would have probably found such a question intrusive, but the way Dan saw it, he would more than likely never see the woman again, and frankly he needed to talk to someone about the whole thing. A stranger was better than no-one.

“What if he’s disappointed? We’ve just been chatting through video calls for months and months and this is the first real life meeting and I can’t bear to be a disappointment to him, it’d break my heart” he was pouring out his innermost thoughts, and he half-expected to be laughed at. But instead the woman nodded in understanding, but then asked a question Dan wouldn’t have predicted.

“Can I offer some advice?” the question threw him. He expected some half-ass generic advice like ‘follow your heart’ or other sentimental bullshit he’d heard a million times and had never paid any attention to. With no other option than to get up and leave, he nodded.

“The way I see it, happiness is a choice. In your case, your happiness clearly lies with this boy who you are paying good money to visit, and it’s evidently what you want more than anything, I can see it in your eyes and the way you speak. You can either get on the train, or you can leave, letting this boy be your biggest what if, and trust me that’s no way to live”

Dan took a few seconds to let her words sink in, and they rang true, as if hearing someone else’s perspective eradicated any form of anxiety that was enveloping his rationality. But there was still a little niggle in his mind, the paranoia that he wasn’t good enough for Phil, he never would be.

His thoughts were abruptly interrupted by the tannoy, but only a few words broke through his contemplation and sunk in.

“ _The next train to arrive at platform one… calling at… Manchester Piccadilly”_

And around ten seconds later Dan’s pre-booked train pulled into the platform, and the majority of the crowd on platform one swarmed towards the doors of the six carriages, and Dan stared longingly. He should be among them.

“That’s your train, I take it?” the woman asked, following Dan’s gaze towards the train. He nodded.

“So what are you going to do?” she asked a follow-up question with a raised eyebrow.

Dan bit his lip, and looked past the woman as the last few people were scurrying onto the train.

He wanted to meet Phil, he _needed_ to meet Phil.

Dan jumped up from his seat, sending the chair scraping backwards, and snatched his ticket from the table, straightening it out as he did so.

“I’m going to meet him” Dan replied decisively, a grin forming on his lips.

“Go before it leaves without you!” the woman insisted, wearing an equally large grin. After a million thank yous Dan sprinted out of the doors, and slid past the train doors, just as they were closing for the final time before departure.

After he found his seat, which thankfully nobody had decided to sit in nor beside, he retrieved his phone for the first time since the call with Phil, and was greeted with both calls and texts in amounts of double digits.

With a smile at how much Phil seemed to care, Dan sent a simple text, and then placed his phone on the tray table and settled back into his seat, smiling to himself as he watched the landscape zoom out of view as the train set off to Manchester.

_I’m on my way, I’ll see you in a few hours x_

* * *

 

**_2\. Travel at every given opportunity, see as much of the world as you can._ **

 

“I still can’t believe we’ve actually done this” Dan gushed as he pressed his hands to the plane window, shaking his head in disbelief as the plane began its descent into Japan.

Sure, they visited a lot of places for YouTube events and general work/admin reasons, but this was the first trip in years that they’d taken just for _them,_ and not for viewers or management. And that itself added to their joint excitement.

“We deserve this” Phil assured him as he looked out of the window too, marvelling at the buzzing Japanese streets surrounding the airport.

Dan sat back in his seat, and attempted to supress his childish giddiness as the pilot bid his final farewell of the flight, and the plane wheels hit the runway. Phil took Dan’s hand and squeezed it softly.

In under half an hour they had gotten through security and baggage claim, and were in the car on the way to their luxury hotel. They had gone all out for this holiday, treating themselves completely, it was what they deserved.

In the next half hour they were in their hotel room, both men leaning their hands on the balcony, looking out over the booming Japanese landscape, towering buildings and neighbouring hotels almost acting as canopies for the countless market stalls and booths of various descriptions.

“I feel like a kid at Christmas, and I’m getting everything on my Christmas list” Dan stated, shaking his head both in disbelief at their surroundings, and partly because of how he was going off on a tangent. But, he was in a joyful bubble, so didn’t care all that much about what he was saying.

“So I was the best Santa in the world, then, despite it being the time of year that it is?” Phil questioned, taking Dan’s hands in his own as they turned to face one another.

“You were, I admit. Thank you so much for booking the tickets” he replied, and Phil shook his head, bringing Dan’s hands up and kissing them delicately.

“If I didn’t book them now then we never would have. We’ve been talking about doing this for what, four years?” Phil backtracked, and Dan let out a laugh.

“If not longer,” he answered, and then it was Phil’s turn to laugh. “I love you” he told his boyfriend, retaining eye contact to add to his sincerity. Then, he leaned in for a passionate kiss, to which Phil more than happily complied.

“I love you more,” Phil whispered breathlessly when they inevitably broke apart, leaning against each other’s foreheads, “and I can’t wait to go on so many more adventures with you”

“You’re so cheesy” Dan giggled, and Phil shrugged.

“We’re Dan and Phil, we invented cheesy” he commented casually, and Dan grinned as he wrapped his arms around Phil’s neck and kissed him deeply once again, the Japanese sunset providing the perfect backdrop.

* * *

 

**_3\. Find someone who is kind, who understands and celebrates who you are, someone who makes you a better person and someone who will come downstairs with you at 3am when you can’t sleep._ **

 

It was only 2:20am when Dan’s eyes snapped open. It was 3:03am when he gave up all hope of drifting back off to sleep again.

As he padded into the kitchen, through the pitch black of the living room, he sighed to himself. There was a time when he would be awake at this time anyway and scrolling through his networks, but lately he had taken to Phil’s sleeping schedule, which was ultimately more beneficial. At least, it had been up until right now, and he scowled at the thought as he flicked the kettle on and leaned against the counter, rubbing his face.

The afternoon prior and the majority of the night up until 10pm had been taken up by admin, replying to emails and confirming interviews, photoshoots and whatnot, and it was taking its toll. In the way his hands shook as he retrieved a mug from the cupboard, and in his sunken eyes. The spoon he retrieved slipped from his grasp and clattered against the granite countertop, and Dan shushed the inanimate object and huffed impatiently as he leaned back against the counter, running a shaking hand through his hair.

“What are you doing up?” a voice interrupted his thoughts a moment or two later, and a sleepy Phil walked over, rubbing his eyes warily and a yawn escaping his lips.

Dan shrugged, turning towards the kettle which had just clicked, but knocked over the two boxes of cereal that were stacked beside it, sending them colliding into each other domino style, causing him to sigh again and place a hand to his forehead.

“Why don’t you go and sit down, I’ll do that” Phil smiled, and Dan smiled weakly in return as he perched on the edge of the sofa in the now brightly lit living room. He tapped his fingers against his knees as he waited, every so often feeling his eyes bat closed, but never quite staying shut.

Soon enough a steaming mug of hot chocolate was placed in front of him, complete with marshmallows and cream, and Phil sat beside him, significantly more awake than he was mere minutes before.

“Sorry” Dan mumbled before Phil had a chance to interrogate, darting his gaze down to his lap in shame of waking Phil up with the ruckus he had made, and watched as Phil’s hand rested on top of his own, fingers lacing together.

“You have nothing to be sorry for” Phil shrugged, and Dan shook his head, still not moving his gaze, but he squeezed Phil’s hand as a silent thanks.

“Why am I like this” Dan voiced his prime thought, rather a statement than a question, and with Phil’s silence, he took it as his cue to elaborate.

“I just can’t do anything, I can’t sleep, I can’t even make a mug of hot chocolate…” he trailed off as he sighed again, and Phil squeezed his hand.

“Call me cliché or blame it on the time of day but you are talented at many things, and can do most things you put your mind to” Phil replied, no wavering in his voice, no hint of laughter or sarcasm. Dan set to reply, but Phil continued. “I would say making me infinitely happy is something you’ve done flawlessly well, wouldn’t you? Not many people are as in such a position as us, Dan, we’re something special”

Dan could feel tears welling up behind his eyes, and without processing what was going on he had flung his arms around Phil’s neck, pulling him close, apologising again and again for waking him up, a few ‘I love you’s thrown in for good measure.

“I know that this is who you are, you’re self-deprecating and dry-witted, and you overthink to the ends of the earth. But I like being the one to calm you down” Phil grinned after they pulled apart, and Dan allowed himself to smile genuinely, realising that all Phil had said was more than true.

“I’m so lucky” Dan whispered before leaning in for a kiss. It was gentle, both parties sleepy and only half-awake, but it was packed with emotion and reassurance. For once, Dan didn’t care how soppy he came across, he just wanted to convey his innermost feelings.

And in the smile that Phil wore once they pulled apart, he knew that he had succeeded.

“Come on, let’s go back to bed” Phil stretched out his hand after standing up from the sofa, using his free hand to cover his mouth as he yawned again.

Dan smiled before taking Phil’s hand, a yawn escaping his own lips for the first time that night as they walked down the corridor.

* * *

**_4\. When in doubt, you can never go wrong with an all-black outfit._ **

 

“I need your help and I need it _now_ ” Dan stated as he gently grasped Louise’s wrist as soon as she knocked on the door and tugged her into his and Phil’s hotel room, Dan’s clothes littered all over the bed and floor.

“You need the help of a bomb squad” Louise joked as she looked around at the piles of clothes, wondering how her friend managed to fit everything into a single suitcase.

Dan rolled his eyes as he pushed some clothes from the bed onto the floor and sat in their place, head in hands.

“I need tonight to be perfect, which involves me looking better than this” he gestured down to his body, and Louise pouted.

“Because tonight’s the first night you’ll both have seen everyone since you started telling people?” she asked, and Dan nodded slowly.

“I just feel like there’s a lot of pressure riding on this, I don’t want to let him down by not looking the part” he sighed, and Louise walked over to sit beside him.

“Dan, it’s a Playlist party with a bunch of YouTubers whose only aim is to get out of their head drunk. Nobody would care, I even saw Grace and Mamrie in the lobby wearing tracksuit bottoms and baggy shirts, you don’t need to dress up like this” she picked up one of his dress shirts to prove her point, and Dan pressed his lips together.

“Plus, Caspar’s still in his flip-flops, so it really doesn’t-“

“Louise” Dan interjected, his voice close to breaking, pleading with his friend.

“Okay,” she rubbed his back supportively, “I’ll make sure you’re dressed to impress the boyf” she winked, and Dan let himself laugh.

“I’m only not calling you on using the word boyf since you’re helping me, you realise that, right?”

“I am aware” she nodded, and then stood up and analysed the piles of clothes once again, before getting in a guru state of mind and picking various items up and pairing them together.

Dan helped as best he could, but he was stressed, and trusted Louise’s fashion sense probably more than anyone else’s. So he sat back and waited until she narrowed her choices down to a final winner, and threw the clothes onto Dan’s lap.

“Go get changed, we’re on a schedule. We’ll already have missed dinner” she instructed, pointing to the bathroom.

Dan scurried in with a smile on his face, knowing that he made the right choice by enlisting Louise to help.

“Are you serious?” he asked a couple of minutes later, walking out of the bathroom in an all-black outfit, the first one he considered when first going into his clothes frenzy. He disregarded it as being too normal, not stand-out enough.

“It looks good on you! Gives that Dan Howell vibe whilst also being red-carpet ready should any vlogging occur” Louise defended her choice, and Dan looked in the floor-length mirror. He always did think that outfit looked good.

“Are you sure it’s enough, though?” he asked, uncaring of his blatant insecurities being on full show.

Louise stood and placed a hand on his shoulder. “You look great, I promise you. Trust me”

And so he did.

The two wandered into the party, immediately engulfed in the crowd of YouTubers and staff from the event. Louise linked arms with Dan so they wouldn’t be separated – which, frankly, he was thankful for- and together they set out to find anyone they knew.

They navigated their way successfully through the crowd and soon saw Phil speaking with Joe, Caspar and Alfie, occasionally speaking to vlogging cameras.

“Cameras away boys, happy couple reunion going on” Louise instructed to Joe and Alfie as she walked over to them, and both nodded before putting away their vlogging cameras with a smile, and Phil immediately took hold of Dan’s hand.

“You know, that’s my favourite outfit on you” Phil whispered in Dan’s ear, causing a wide grin to spread across Dan’s lips.

All the stress he went through earlier now seemed stupid and unneeded, and he saw Louise wink.

“You knew that, didn’t you?” he asked, and the blonde shrugged.

“A little birdie may have told me beforehand. And put in a gentle request that I made you wear that exact outfit” she giggled, and Phil raised an eyebrow at her subtlety.

“It worked, though. You can never go wrong with all-black, it’s your trademark” Phil smiled, and Dan returned it.

Joe began telling an anecdote which entranced the rest of the group, and Dan rested his head on Phil’s shoulder. Phil pressed a soft kiss to the top of Dan’s head, moving his arm around Dan’s waist and pulling him closer.

* * *

**_5\. A cup of coffee makes everything better._ **

 

Piles of essays and avalanches of law textbooks had become Dan’s norm. The very sight of them made him queasy, his head swim in a flurry of doubt.

This wasn’t what he wanted to do with his life.

He hated his dorm, he hated his university course, he hated the path his life was leading him down.

But the one thing he didn’t hate was the one thing keeping him going.

“So how did the test go?” Phil asked with a smile, placing a steaming mug of coffee on the table in front of them as he sat beside Dan.

“Definitely failed it, obviously” he mumbled, and Phil nudged him.

“You don’t know that. You’re full of surprises, have faith in yourself” he told Dan, and the brunet shrugged.

“And you’re full of shit” Dan quipped, rolling his eyes at Phil’s optimism.

Though he did admire Phil’s seemingly faultless positive outlook on life, he had only seen Phil upset a handful of times. Most only lasting a matter of minutes, hours at most. It was reflected in his flat, the colourful furniture and personal décor. It screamed Phil through and through, and it was the only place Dan wanted to be. He had dubbed the flat his happy place at only his second visit, though he was scared to tell Phil that.

“Are you happy, Dan?” Phil asked seemingly out of the blue, taking Dan by surprise.

Phil looked on expectedly, awaiting an answer.

There was no point in lying to either himself or Phil. Dan shook his head.

“Are you sure?” Phil enquired, and Dan squeezed his eyes shut. Just the thought of having to go back to his cramped dorm and back to the mountains of textbooks and demonic lecturers made him want to cry. He hated it.

“I think I’ve made the worst choice I could possibly make” Dan sighed, and placed his head in his hands.

Phil placed a hand on Dan’s back as an action of support, not really knowing how to comfort him properly. Which did hurt him, he didn’t want Dan to be unhappy in any way, since he made Phil happier than he ever thought he could be.

“Every day I feel like I’m throwing my life away, like I’m signing away my freedom to a shitty office job with the occasional trip to the courtroom to defend some drunken lowlife on trial for the twentieth time, only to lose every single case because I practically failed the fucking university course” Dan continued, his voice largely muffled, but Phil could still make out every word. He felt a pang in his chest at his best friend’s upset.

“I think you should drop out. There’s no shame in it, and a course shouldn’t be making you this upset, it’s worrying” he suggested lightly, and Dan scoffed.

“And do what, Phil? I can’t go back to my parents after they were so excited for me to be a bigshot lawyer, I haven’t even told them I’m failing. I can’t go back to them like this” Dan was now crying into his lap, not bothering to hide the sound of his sobs.

“Move in with me” Phil spoke after a minute or so of tense silence filled only with Dan’s sobs.

Immediately, Dan snapped his head back up and stared at Phil quizzically, whilst Phil bit his lip awaiting an answer.

“What?” Dan asked, in shock of Phil’s proposal.

“Yeah, I mean it makes sense on so many levels,” Phil began, gulping before continuing, “you could move in straight away after dropping out, I have the room.” He pointed to the spare room, currently being used for storage. “Plus it’d be easier for YouTube and stuff, for the admin side and helping each other to film. And the fact we spend pretty much every living moment together anyway. And, you know, we have fun together”

“You used the word ‘and’ way too much then” Dan laughed weakly, and Phil smiled upon hearing it.

“So what do you say?” Phil prompted, and Dan took him by surprise, launching forward and enveloping Phil in a tight hug.

“I’d fucking love to live with you, you dork” he replied, beginning to cry again. Though this time, they were happy tears. Ones that Phil was very close to copying.

“You’ve saved my life” Dan whispered, hugging Phil tighter, causing the other boy to grin, his best friend might finally be happy.

“And you’ve saved me from bankruptcy. Rent here is a killer to pay alone” Phil responded, and Dan laughed, it was always a beautiful sound for Phil to hear.

When they pulled apart, Dan was grinning widely, wiping away his remaining tears as he looked around the living room of the flat he would soon be sharing with Phil. It was a dream he’d had once, and had been a hope ever since, not one he thought would ever be reality.

“Come on, drink your coffee and we’ll head downstairs to see about adding your name to the flat” Phil nodded towards Dan’s coffee on the table which was no longer steaming, and Dan eagerly picked it up and began sipping tentatively.

The coffee was refreshing on his tastebuds and welcoming, and the thought that entered his mind was just as refreshing, and just as needed.

He would finally be okay. Finally be happy.

* * *

**_6\.  Fear kills more opportunities than failure ever will._ **

 

The silence was deafening.

The whizz of Dan’s ancient laptop was almost taunting, and the boy sat in front of it, holding his breath as his finger hovered over the left-click button. Pressing would post his first video to YouTube, a dream he’d had for so long.

But he was terrified, of so many things.

What if people laughed at him? What if he got only negative comments? What if people he knew found out about his video? What if nobody liked him? What if this was a waste of time? What if-

_Has it processed yet? Are you posting it soon? :D_

The text from Phil illuminated his phone screen, momentarily easing Dan’s worry, as any contact from Phil always did. He felt guilty, he was meant to be keeping Phil in the loop every step of the way. The video had finished processing twenty minutes ago, and he had been sat in silence ever since with his cursor over the upload button, but not having the guts.

_I don’t think I can do it :/_

He replied quickly, throwing his phone back down on the duvet in an annoyed huff. He was annoyed with his lack of self-belief. He had the passion for YouTube, the knowledge and the knowhow, but he lacked the confidence. The fear of strangers’ judgment was too much for him to bear.

_What? Why not? :(_

Just seeing Phil had typed a sad face was enough to cause a pang in Dan’s chest, he hated when Phil was sad. The thought of him being the cause of Phil being sad was even worse.

_I’m too scared_

As soon as he sent the text, he felt tears at the back of his eyes, making him feel even worse. His own paranoia was the biggest obstacle, Dan had always took the phrase ‘you are your own worst critic’ to a whole other level. He didn’t like disappointing himself.

He was torn from his own thoughts back to reality when the Skype window opened in front of YouTube, Phil was requesting a video chat. Dan was hesitant for a second, not sure if he wanted Phil to see him in the state he was in, but his body had some form of sub-conscious reaction to Phil, and he found himself clicking accept before he even knew what he was doing.

Immediately, Phil’s pixelated face popped up in the corner of the screen, lips curled into a warm smile, a pleasantry Dan had been limiting himself as of late.

“How are you doing?” Phil asked, voice calm and everything Dan wasn’t.

“I’ve been better” Dan replied, laughing weakly as he tried to make light of the situation. He didn’t succeed.

Phil pressed his lips together. “What’s stopping you?” he asked, the bluntness of the question catching Dan off-guard.

Dan spent a fair few seconds trying to come up with a witty response, but he was physically drained, the day of filming and editing for the first time had really taken all his energy.

“I’m scared I’m not good enough” he replied eventually, voice small and extremely vulnerable.

Dan was expecting to be laughed at. Phil was a YouTube professional, he shouldn’t be forced to deal with a beginner like Dan. A beginner that’s too afraid to even click upload.

“That’s the beauty of YouTube, Dan” Phil began, capturing Dan’s attention, “It’s full of people that don’t fit in, that want a creative outlet, that want to speak to the world on their own terms. Everyone on that site is absolutely terrified prior to hitting upload, I can promise you. I was nearly drowning in my own nervous sweats. Everyone has gone through the exact same things you’re feeling now, no matter how confident they may seem onscreen. I mean, you’ve seen the meltdowns I go through behind the scenes, compare that to how I am on camera”

Phil had a good point. Dan had seen Phil in many a meltdown surrounding both YouTube and his personal life, and it never showed on camera. It was one of the reasons Dan considered Phil a pro.

“I won’t push you to do this,” Phil spoke again after a short silence, “But you and I both know that if you don’t, you’ll regret it and punish yourself even more”

Again, Phil had a point. Dan knew he wanted to post videos, he admired so many people that did – Phil included – and he wanted to be among them, maybe he could inspire someone someday too. He wanted to take the chance.

He felt his eyes burn as tears began to spill down his cheeks, and it was then that Phil took initiative and changed the subject, he always did know how to calm Dan down and tame his sometimes erratic hormones.

After a three hour long Skype call, Dan felt his eyes begin to bat closed, his tiredness finally catching up to him.

“Dan?” Phil’s tone was different, as if he really needed to get something off of his chest. They had already said their goodbyes.

“Yeah?”

“I believe in you. Whatever happens, I’m so proud of you”

He ended the call, leaving Dan staring at the YouTube page once again, his cursor somehow hovering over the upload button again.

It was rare for Phil to wake up before 10am, but his brother had switched the internet on early again to Skype his girlfriend before work, and Phil awoke to the sound of an email being received, and he silently cursed his past self for leaving his phone volume on full blast from the night before.

Groggily, he reached over to retrieve the phone from his bedside table, and unlocked the screen slowly. It took his eyes a few seconds to adjust to the bright screen, but as soon as they did, a wide grin spread across his face.

_danisnotonfire just uploaded a video_

* * *

**_7\. There’s something magical about being able to play an instrument. So if you can, learn._ **

 

During a snowstorm in the middle of the night, the temperature below arctic levels, there was only one thing on Dan Howell’s mind. Of course, it wasn’t sleep.

No matter how many times he tossed and turned, trying to drift off to sleep, his mind kept jumping back to the same thing, his eyes always snapped open, landing on the piano in the corner of the room. His fingers had been twitching for days now, just itching to tickle the ivory keys and reignite his passion.

Eventually, he abandoned all hope of sleep and stepped out of bed, and pulled a random hoodie over his body and walked over to the piano, hesitantly sitting on the stool, feeling a sudden wave of anxiety. It had been a while since he played, but the more rational part of his mind reminded him that he couldn’t forget, it was like riding a bike. Plus, it was one of his favourite things to do, and he wouldn’t have forgotten.

Acting on a moment of impulse, he pressed his fingers daintily to some of the keys, his lips curling upwards in glee at the elicited sound. It was all coming back to him, and why he ever stopped was a concept lost.

After a quick warm-up to find his feet, so to speak, his gaze landed on the songbook which was propped lazily against the wall on top of the piano, a thin layer of dust covering its top, highlighting its recent neglect. Without even thinking, he flicked to one of his favourite pieces, and after a quick skim-read to refresh his memory, he began to play. Inspiration was coursing through his veins, a wide grin on his lips. 

Following the piece’s completion, he sat back and quietly applauded himself, he had earned it. A gentle knock on his door caused him to grimace, he had definitely woken Phil up.

The door opened a second or two later, and Phil walked in, bundled in a hoodie and thick pyjama bottoms, glasses askew across his face.

“Did I wake you up?” Dan asked apologetically, and Phil shook his head, and walked over to sit on the edge of the bed.

“Can’t sleep, too cold” he replied, stifling a yawn behind his hand. It made Dan smile.

“So you want cuddling?” he raised an eyebrow, and a rosy flush stained across Phil’s cheeks.

“I mean, I wouldn’t say no to that, but I’d like to hear you play some more” Phil gestured to the piano, and Dan felt his own cheeks heat up.

“I take it you definitely heard me… sorry” Dan mumbled his apology, and Phil shook his head rapidly.

“Don’t be sorry! It was beautiful, I was actually just sat outside your door listening for about five minutes before I knocked” he admitted, and Dan grinned again.

He opened his arms and shuffled across the stool, for Phil to sit beside him. Which he did, and then rested his head on Dan’s shoulder as Dan wrapped an arm around Phil’s waist.

“Want me to teach you?” Dan asked softly, and he felt Phil shake his head.

“I’d much rather just,” he paused to yawn again, “watch you play more” Phil’s voice was raspy due to his tiredness, and Dan pressed a gentle kiss to the top of Phil’s head.

“As you wish, love” he said with a chuckle, and Phil sat back up to give Dan the freedom to move his left arm, and watched on in awe as Dan began to play.

Once he finished playing, Phil’s mouth was open in shock.

“I always knew you were good, but I mean, that was magical” he commented in disbelief, and Dan smiled as Phil continued to gush his compliments.

“You should enter competitions! You would win them all!” Phil continued, pausing occasionally to yawn.

Dan laughed, and took Phil’s hands.

“You’re the only audience I’ll ever need” he told Phil after pressing a butterfly kiss to his hands, and the other man pressed his lips together.

“But you could achieve so many things if you put effort into this” he insisted, and Dan shook his head.

“A hobby, that’s it. We’re building a career together, and that’s how it’s going to stay” he told Phil sincerely, and kissed him to stop any further protests.

Dan’s fond smile grew when Phil yawned again.

“Come on, you’re exhausted” Dan nodded towards the bed, and Phil nodded slowly, the very sight of a bed causing his yawns to be even more severe.

“One thing though” Phil held up a finger, and Dan rolled his eyes.

“Please don’t mention the piano again-“

“I love you” Phil interjected as he pressed a kiss to Dan’s lips, pulling back with a sweet smile, afterwards walking over the bed and wrapping himself up in the monochrome duvet.

“I love you more” he called, and Phil waved his hand, dismissing Dan’s comment.

He tried to reply something, but he was buried so deep in the duvet that his voice was completely muffled. It only made Dan smile more as he got into the bed too, Phil immediately cuddling up to him and wrapping the duvet around them both tightly.

It wasn’t even ten minutes until they both fell sound asleep, wrapped up in each other’s arms.

* * *

**_8\. You can never be too grateful, nor too polite, intelligent etc._ **

 

Meeting a partner’s parents was something Dan had never had to experience. From what he had gathered from books, tv shows and movies over the years (and his intense googling session the night before) he knew that first impressions were everything. He and Phil were going steady, it was coming up for their three month anniversary, and Phil decided it was high time that he introduced Dan to his family, introducing their relationship.

For the past three months, they had been sneaky and tactical, meeting up when one of their families was out of town, and they had the house to themselves. But they knew they were serious about each other, and wanted the world to know about it.

As soon as Dan stepped off the train into Manchester Piccadilly station, he felt his legs begin to shake, threatening to give way. He was overthinking what was to come. Businessmen shot him weird glances as they scurried past, wondering why the nineteen year old boy with the weird floppy hair was wobbling in the middle of the train platform.

But Phil was well aware of Dan’s tendency to overthink and panic, and was well trained in how to deal with it. As soon as he spotted Dan on the platform, he dashed over and took his suitcase in one hand, and took Dan’s hand in his other. He squeezed Dan’s hand comfortingly as they passed through the station, Dan focusing on taking deep breaths.

“You didn’t stay up all night googling stuff to say, did you?” Phil asked as they exited the station and headed in the direction of the car park. Dan dipped his head in embarrassment, he knew how pathetic it probably seemed. But Dan also had a tendency to tumble over his words, and he wanted the whole day to go as smoothly as possible.

“I just don’t want to embarrass you” Dan mumbled, and Phil rolled his eyes.

“The only way you could embarrass me today is if you lose to my dad at Mario Kart” Phil assured him as they got in the backseat of Martyn’s car. It made Dan smile, and Phil squeezed his hand again.

“Big day, huh Dan?” Martyn asked with a grin, staring at the two through the front mirror.

Dan immediately felt himself begin to blush as Phil laughed. Martyn already knew about their relationship and was more than happy about it, but wouldn’t be at the house with them as he was having a day with friends. Dan thought of it as a metaphor, a safety blanket being taken away. There would be nobody except himself and Phil there to defend the relationship.

“You’re overthinking again, I can see it in your eyes” Phil clicked his fingers in front of Dan’s face, bringing him out of his thoughts and back into reality.

Dan apologised quietly and placed his hands in his lap, cowering into himself, his own fear and paranoia was all but crippling him.

“What if they think I’m too stupid for you?” Dan asked a few minutes later, whilst Martyn was distracted with the radio and singing loudly.

“As if that’s even a question. You’re one of the smartest people I know” Phil insisted, and Dan shook his head.

“I’m a university dropout, Phil. You’re not, you graduated”

“Many of the world’s smartest people were college and university dropouts” Phil informed him, and Dan raised an eyebrow.

“Is that so?”

“I think I read it somewhere once. Point being, that’s not even an issue, you’re obviously intelligent and you can articulate yourself well, that’s more than enough for my parents, I promise you” Phil assured him, pressing a soft kiss to Dan’s knuckle.

Dan bit his lip.

“What if they think I’m too posh?”

“Northerners can be posh too, Dan” Phil smirked in amusement as Dan became more flustered, apologising for his wording.

“That’s not what I meant! I just meant that-“

“I know what you meant. But that’s not going to be the case either, considering you’re here in a band t-shirt and skinny jeans. It’s not exactly the posh attire they see on tv shows. You’re fine, you’re beautiful” Dan knew Phil was being genuine, he could hear it in Phil’s tone of voice, and felt it in the sweet kiss he pressed to Dan’s lips.

His mind was still racing with what ifs, but he instead settled for thanking Phil, and resting their interlocked hands in the space between them, doing his best to accept the day for what it was. Though he couldn’t deny, he felt significantly more relieved.

Dan always felt comfortable when he stepped foot in the Lester household, immediately enveloped in a homely atmosphere. It was almost euphoric.

“We’re home!” Phil called as they stepped through the door, Dan following behind and clutching onto Phil’s hand for dear life. He heard shuffling from the living room and in what seemed like a millisecond, Phil’s parents were stood in front of them, smiling fondly.

Phil wasted no time in his introductions, and he continued to trace patterns on the back of Dan’s hand with his thumb the whole time, just as a silent form of comfort.

“Dan, these are my parents,” he gestured from Dan to his parents and back again, “and mum, dad, this is Dan. My boyfriend” Phil beamed at the last part, seemingly happy to finally get to say it.

Phil’s father stretched out his hand, and Dan shook it, returning the greeting.

“So you’re the one who’s stolen my boy’s heart” his mother greeted teasingly, ruffling Phil’s hair. When Phil mumbled something inaudible to Dan, his mother also stretched out her hand, which Dan shook, and he felt a wave of relief wash over him. Things were going well. There had been no judgmental glares so far.

The fire was on in the living room, and some kind of comedy movie was playing quietly on the tv, Dan guessed as background noise. Phil led Dan over to the sofa, and after they sat beside each other Phil draped the bunnysoft throw over them both, and they snuggled into it, finding each other’s hands underneath it pretty much straight away. Phil’s parents were sat in chairs at either side of the sofa, again smiling at the two fondly, their approval was obvious just from the way they stared.

“What do you do for a living, Dan?” Phil’s father asked a little while later, after idle chat had been made.

Dan gulped, and felt his throat run dry. He was dreading the question. Phil squeezed his hand encouragingly under the throw, but Dan couldn’t bring himself to admit he was a university dropout.

“I, um-“

“He’s made his own YouTube channel. Hoping to get into that whole business like me, you’ve seen him in some of my videos before” Phil jumped in, and his mother gasped.

“Oh yes! That’s where I know you from!” she smiled warmly, and Dan smiled back.

“I hope you make it, whatever career it is that you can make from YouTube” his father stated, “if you’re half as committed as Phil is then I don’t see why you won’t”

And Dan was. In more ways than one.

Thirty minutes later, Phil and his father were engrossed in some kind of documentary that Dan wasn’t too interested in, so he slipped out of the room to see if Phil’s mother wanted any help with dinner.

They were chatting away happily over peeling potatoes and dicing carrots, and Dan was feeling welcomed into the Lester family with open arms, it was all he could have hoped for.

“You know, Phil talks about you all the time” she revealed, and Dan felt himself blush, all the heat rush to his cheeks.

“R-Really?” he asked for confirmation she wasn’t joking, and she nodded.

“We tease him about it, but we’re all genuinely so thrilled that he’s found someone that makes him this happy” hearing the words was surreal for Dan, because Phil made him so unbelievably happy, and to hear the same from Phil’s mother was the best form of validation for their relationship.

“He makes me really happy too” Dan gushed, struggling to fight the huge grin that was playing on his lips. Because his words were true.

That night, when Dan was laying in Phil’s bed and Phil was getting ready for the night, he stared up at the ceiling with a huge smile on his face. He couldn’t have wished for the day to have gone better, he had never felt more accepted. Phil’s mother had even given Dan a small hug before he and Phil left, and his father waved goodbye and smiled.

“What are you so smiley for?” Phil asked, smiling himself as he got into bed beside Dan, turning to face him.

“It just went so well” Dan was still in slight disbelief.

“I told you it would. They love you”

“They do?”

“Absolutely. My mum says you’re really polite and lovely, and my dad says you seem really intelligent and that we’re a good match… I have to say I agree” Phil shrugged, and Dan felt like his face was going to crack from smiling so widely.

“Guess that means you’re stuck with me” Dan whispered as they turned out the light, snuggling into each other.

Phil wrapped an arm around Dan’s waist and pulled him closer, and pressed a gentle kiss to the top of his head.

“Sounds perfect to me” he whispered in response, before they both fell to sleep with content smiles on their faces.

* * *

**_9\. Always do your best to try something new._ **

 

“Wet ‘N’ Wild… are you sure this isn’t some kind of advanced polish?” Dan asked, twirling the bottle of jungle green nail polish around.

“There’s not a beginner, intermediate and expert brand of nail polish” Phil replied in amusement, picking up a bottle of navy blue from the box of nail polish provided by fans at a recent tour meet and greet.

They were currently on route to a different state, and had time to kill. They were sat across from each other in the back room of the tour bus, the box of polish between them on the table.

“How do you get the bits off that you get on the skin?” Dan wondered, and Phil shrugged. He then dug around in the box and retrieved a pack of cotton wool pads, and placed them beside the box.

“I take it we use those?” he guessed, and Dan looked down at them questioningly.

“I guess that would work. But what if we screw it up, so many people are depending on this, our first time wearing nail polish, it’s making a statement” Dan placed a hand to his chest almost patriotically.

Phil rolled his eyes playfully. “A fashion statement doesn’t count”

“Yes it does,” Dan insisted, “And besides, it’s a big fuck you to gender roles…” he trailed off, and Phil shook his head.

“Don’t you dare quote yourself, I’ll unfriend you” he threatened mockingly.

“They’re the worst kind of bread” Dan finished his own quote with a smirk, and Phil threw a cotton wool pad at him.

“I hate that you’re so lame” he tutted in disapproval and Dan threw the cotton pad back at him.

“Our whole brand is built on lame, you loser” he reminded Phil, and they both broke into laughter.

Once the laughter died down, they both looked down at their nail polish bottles then back to each other.

“Should we… call someone? And ask?” Phil suggested, and Dan shook his head rapidly.

“Phil we’re not calling someone to ask how to put on nail polish, I bet it’s not as difficult as we’re making it out to be. How about we just literally paint over our nails then wipe away any bits that get on the skin?”

Phil nodded in agreement and they set to work on their nails. In only ten seconds Dan was huffing in annoyance at the polish being streaky on his nails, and then a minute later huffing again because he got more on his finger than his nail. Phil was uncaring as he dashed the polish across his nails, getting globs on his finger and somehow his wrist. He finished his first hand in under three minutes, and watched Dan paint his.

“You’re being very artistic about yours” Phil observed, and Dan sighed.

“It’s not going right, can you tell?” he asked, and Phil shook his head. Dan’s nails looked fine to him.

Phil finished his next hand in five minutes, deciding to take a bit more care with the second hand, as he decided that would be the one he would show in the photo they upload. Dan had just finished his little finger on his first hand when Phil finished his second hand.

“If we weren’t on a fucking moving bus that would help” Dan mumbled when Phil laughed about how slow he was being. It only spurred Phil’s laughter on further.

“I’ll tell you this for nothing. We’re not posting this monstrosity online” Dan held up Phil’s first painted hand. He then raised his own hand, and repeated the statement. “First chance we get we’re getting to a pharmacy and buying nail polish remover” 

“Funny, that’s the only thing that didn’t provide us with” Phil commented as he finished rooting though the box once more.

“It’s almost as if they never want us not to be wearing nail polish. Shocking” Dan feigned shock and brought a hand to his mouth, which caused Phil to laugh again.

“No but seriously. We’ll keep practising, both on and off a moving bus, and when we’re actually good enough at it to be on the internet, we’ll take everyone by surprise” they both agreed.

“Dan and Phil with nail polish, it’s the future”

* * *

**_10_ ** **_. Pop music should not have to be a guilty pleasure._ **

 

It wasn’t often that they truly, genuinely enjoyed being apart.

Dan had just returned from visiting family, and Phil was just leaving. They barely had time to say both hello and goodbye if Phil wanted to make his train on time, but as Dan stared at the otherwise empty apartment, a smile crept on his lips.

His phone was loaded with new releases, untouched albums just waiting for him to learn and sing along.

Whenever he was home alone for a few days, he always found himself relating to the episode of Friends, when Rachel is home alone and decides to use the freedom to walk around naked. Except, instead of walking around naked, Dan sang along to pop music. Loudly and proudly.

It wasn’t that he was embarrassed of his love for pop music, it just wasn’t something he boasted about to either Phil or the internet. For one thing, it didn’t particularly match his branding (despite the occasional comment on One Direction during a liveshow), and secondly, he didn’t really see a reason why he should.

After locking the door and closing all the windows, he took a deep breath and unlocked his phone, scrolling down to the Recently Added playlist. He had barely delved into Made In The A.M yet, and Get Weird had yet to be listened to with the exception of the already released singles.

“It’s going to be a good night” he smiled to himself as he clicked on the first song.

Four hours later, both albums thoroughly listened to, he was feeling confident. Dan had a natural talent for learning song lyrics quickly, quicker than anyone he knew, and it boded very well for him. Always had.

He put some popcorn in the microwave and dashed into the bedroom, changing into plaid-patterned pyjama bottoms and one of Phil’s old shirts. He ran back out at hearing the microwave ping, and felt an overwhelming sense of excitement as his night was starting to come together.

A few years before, Louise had bought both Dan and Phil a pair of novelty fuzzy pink slippers. They locked them away in the cupboard most of the time, but Dan always fished them out on the nights he was alone, he found that it made his ensemble significantly better, whatever he was wearing.

With his excitement ever-increasing, he clicked shuffle on the playlist he made of both albums and cleared his throat, ready to sing his heart out. His neighbours never seemed to care, he had a nice voice. Even if he screamed some lyrics occasionally.

History was the first song to come on shuffle, and he tapped his fuzzy-slipper-clothed foot along to the opening beats, before matching Harry’s voice as best he could, with the lyrics he had memorised. He had only listened to the song once before, but many of his viewers had tweeted him saying the song reminded them of him and Phil. As Dan listened to the lyrics, he could see why. In the chorus, anyway.

When he attempted to match Niall’s low tones at the end of the first verse of Olivia, he burst into laughter at himself. He found himself dancing goofily to the chorus whilst stuffing his face with popcorn, and clicking along as if he was in a 1990s gangster movie.

It wasn’t so much the pop music itself that was his guilty pleasure, it was the fun he had because of it that he loved with all his heart but would never admit.

What a Feeling was another song that their audience had said reminded them of Dan and Phil. Dan had seen edits of them with the lyrics as captions on tumblr, and he smiled as he thought he matched Liam’s voice perfectly. Again, Dan could see why it reminded the viewers of himself and Phil, with their careers on the rise and doing it all together. It was beautiful, in a sense.

“Not as beautiful as my singing” Dan replied to his own thoughts as the next song played, and Leigh-Anne’s beginning verse for Weird People began.

“I wonder if that’s what happened to Phil, bumped his head as a kid and that’s why he can’t dance” Dan pondered jokily as he danced around to the rest of the verse and spun around when the chorus began.

_If the internet could only see me now,_ was his thought as he spun around again and again, singing at the top of his lungs. He was having the best time, but he could only imagine what it would be like if he wasn’t alone. As he jumped around during the next verse, shaking his arms around erratically, he laughed at the thought of Phil joining him and doing the same thing.

He tried his best to match Jade’s high notes in I Love You, and failed miserably, laughing heartily at himself and eating more popcorn, continuing to tap his foot along with the drum beats and clicking along. He tried again, this time to reach Perrie’s high notes, and failed yet again, this time his voice cracking, which only made him laugh more.

“Perhaps a more upbeat song would match me more…” he guessed as he waited for the song to finish, and a grin spread across his face as the opening for Hair blasted through the living room. The song made him feel sassy, there was no denying, and as he sang along, he had a hand on his hip and the other ran through his hair every time the word ‘hair’ was sung. It was more fun than he’d had in ages.

Grown made him feel empowered. He also found it quite relatable. One of his old bullies from school who made his school life a living hell had recently gotten in touch, asking for a favour since Dan was successful in his career. Though the song was of a romantic nature, Dan took it as a subtle ‘fuck you’ to the bully who he gleefully blocked the same day they messaged him. When the beat dropped on the chorus, the music completely took him over. He was wrapped up in the lyrics, singing louder than he had all night (even hitting Leigh-Anne’s high note, which he considered a highlight).

When the song came to a close, and the slow, gentle opening chords to Lightning echoed from the walls, he heard a cough come from the doorway. He froze in his tracks, stopped preparing himself for the upcoming high notes.

Hesitantly, Dan spun around to face Phil, who was leaning against the front door, suitcase leaning against his legs. He was smirking in amusement, and shot Dan a thumbs up.

“Um,” Dan cleared his throat in embarrassment as Jesy’s vocals filled the silence. “Hi?”

“Hello mister pop music” Phil replied with a dramatic nod, and Dan felt colour rush to his cheeks.

“It’s not what it looks like…” Dan defended, then mentally slapped himself. There was nothing to hide, he knew he shouldn’t be embarrassed. He was in his own home, after all.

“Oh really?” Phil asked, still smirking as he made his way over to Dan.

“How long have you been there” Dan sighed, trying his hardest to calm his embarrassment down. His cheeks felt like they were on fire.

“Since about ‘ _you’re trying way too hard and I don’t need your flattery’_ ” Phil quoted the lyric from Grown, and Dan covered his eyes with his hands. That was the middle of the song, so Phil had seen his dancing and heard his attempt at a high note.

“Why are you back?” Dan asked, trying to shift the topic of conversation. Lightning was now at the chorus, and it took all of Dan’s self-control not to tap along. But he made no effort to turn it off.

Phil shrugged. “They thought I was coming next week, they’ve gone away for the weekend. Already refunded my ticket” he explained, and Dan nodded in understanding.

“It’s still not what it looks like” he defended again, and Phil shook his head.

“It looks like you were having all the fun without me. But personally, I think you’d suit the high notes in Love Me or Leave Me better” he whispered the last part, and Dan’s eyes widened.

“What?”

“But of course, the acapella style of The End would suit you perfectly, only Perrie’s lone high note to worry about” Phil winked, and Dan placed a hand to his perspiring forehead.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me”

Phil shook his head, a smile still on his lips. “You never asked, and neither did I”

“Fair point… you don’t do this by any chance when you’re alone, though, do you?” Dan asked, biting his lip, and Phil shook his head.

“Can’t say I do, I mainly just listen to it as I fall asleep. But I’d like to, just not alone”

“Are you saying you want to have crazy dance parties with me to pop music”

“Please” Phil confirmed, and Dan pushed him into the bedroom.

“Pyjamas first, then party”

Phil saluted then closed the door to get changed. He emerged a couple of minutes later, in an ensemble similar to Dan’s, though he was in one of Dan’s old shirts. They wore each other’s clothes a lot.

“So what song do we start with?” Phil asked excitedly, clasping his hands together.

“Dan simply held up a finger as he scrolled through the playlist, and tapping on his choice.

A smirk grew on his lips as Phil recognised the opening chords to ADIDAS, and he threw his head back in laughter.

“Of course you do” he rolled his eyes playfully as they both began to dance around the living room and sing at the top of their lungs, jumping next to each other when the chorus began, pointing to each other at the end of _‘all day I dream about *shh* with you’._

Their dance parties became a bi-weekly occurrence, and it was yet another confirmation for Dan that Phil was the person he most needed in his life. There was never any judgment, he could be utterly, completely himself.

Even if he did still jump around like a rabbit during the chorus of Weird People.

* * *

**_11\. Good things come to those who wait. Better things come to those who take._ **

 

Manchester was beautiful. Typically, Dan was never the biggest fan of cities, but as he was looking out over Manchester from the comfort of their pod on the Eye, it was hard to deny its picturesque allure.

But what was more beautiful, was the boy beside him. Their hands were just centimetres apart, their fingers had already slightly brushed multiple times. 

Dan was utterly mesmerised by Phil, there was no doubt. He had been since one of their earliest conversations, but it was a whole other matter when Dan saw him beyond pixels and crappy webcams. The curves on Phil's face, the way the sunlight made his eyes twinkle in the most beautiful way possible, they were all reasons Dan couldn't help himself. Stealing subtle glances whenever Phil looked away, hiding his blushing whenever Phil looked back. 

To say Dan was looking forward to October 2009 for a long time was an understatement. It was only the first day of his visit and he would be more than happy never to return home.

"It's really something isn't it" Phil observed, lacing his fingers together as he leaned against the railing. Dan followed suit.

"Yeah..." he flicked his gaze over to Phil, who was smiling softly as he watched the beginning of the sunset."It is"

Needless to say he wasn't talking about the view from the pod anymore.

He had deliberately been sending signals all day, as best he knew how, but Phil still seemed to be oblivious. Dan didn't know how to be the one to make the first move, he'd never had to before. 

He wanted to know the taste of Phil's lips (partly to see if any of his viewers got it right - they seem settled on a mix between vanilla and coffee) and he wanted them to be able to walk down the street hand in hand, uncaring of any and all judgment.

"This is our last go around" Phil reminded him as they reached the bottom, and Dan nodded. His hands became clammy, he wanted to do it, he wanted to kiss him. They were in the perfect setting, and there was undeniably something between them. A spark, instant chemistry. A shop cashier had even commented on it when they went to buy cookies a few hours earlier.

He wondered if maybe they should wait, if a kiss would maybe wreck the best friendship he'd ever had. But he recounted the tweet threads they'd had, the blatant flirting, the build up to the very week they were currently living.

He looked to Phil, who was again looking out across the view. He watched as Phil licked his lips, then quickly shifted his gaze as he felt Phil glance at him. 

There were many stolen glances. From both parties. Dan knew.

Phil slowly moved his hand across the railing, so his fingers overlapped Dan's. It was the loosest hand-holding in the world, but it was intentional. That's what Dan was holding onto.

They were sharing their pod with an old couple, who were preoccupied on a complete other side, ogling over the view. So he and Phil were as good as alone.

They reached the top.

He weighed out the pros and cons, and one significantly outweighed the other.

Phil gently rubbed the pads of his fingers over Dan's, a small smile playing on his lips.

Dan took his hand away from the railing, and his heart began to race, worse than when they met at the train station that morning.

Phil turned to face him, evidently startled by Dan's haste, but Dan wasted no more time. 

He pressed his hands to Phil's cheeks and kissed him, completely putting all pre-kiss etiquette to the back of his mind. 

It was almost instinct, the way Phil immediately wrapped his arms around Dan's waist, pulling him closer. They both smiled into the kiss, lips moving against each other in perfect harmony.

"I'm so glad you decided to do that" Phil whispered once they broke apart, foreheads resting against each other.

"Me too" Dan replied, feeling his smile grow wider.

"I was scared to, in case you didn't want me to. I'd hate for you to think that's the only reason I wanted you here" Phil bit his lip, but Dan rolled his eyes.

"I'd be perfectly fine if that was the only reason you wanted me here" he assured Phil with a wink, and pressed a quick peck to his lips.

They both shared a laugh, followed by another soft, slow kiss. They then leaned against the railing hand-in-hand.

As they watched the sun set on their first day together, they both felt a rush of anticipation as they silently pondered what the future could possibly hold for the two of them.

* * *

**_12\. Hugs are basically the best things in existence._ **

 

"So run me through the rules one last time" Phil requested as he pressed his lips together.

"Hugging competition. Can't hug the same person more than once. Or hug someone the other has already hugged. Whoever hugs the least amount of people by the end of night buys dinner tomorrow”

"But tomorrow's dinner is at that expensive restaurant down the road with everyone else..." Phil stated, and Dan nodded.

"You bet your ass it is" Dan confirmed, and held up three fingers. Once he reached one, they both burst out of their room in a mad dash for the lifts.

Phil had to stop and retie his shoelaces just down the corridor, which left Dan to run to the lifts on his own, and target an oblivious Grace, who was getting out of the lift.

"Have we ever properly met?" Dan asked after basic greetings.

"I don't think so!" Grace answered cheerfully. 

Phil turned the corner with now-tied shoes just as Dan and Grace broke apart from their hug.

"That's not fair" Phil mumbled as they got into the lift, and Dan nudged his arm.

"Don't be a sore loser, Philly. Can't help that I'm a natural born socialite" 

Phil scoffed.

Once the lift arrived at the lobby, they were surrounded by YouTubers. 

"Game on" Phil said before walking over to Joe, Caspar and Alfie, in turn receiving a hug from each of them. So they were out of the question for Dan.

He spotted Zoe, Louise, Tanya and Jim near the back of the room, and made a beeline for them.

"You're very touchy-feely tonight. What's gotten into you, boy?" Louise asked, raising an eyebrow as Dan finished his round of hugs to the four of them.

"Just showing my friends that I care" Dan shot her a dazzling smile, and Jim pretended to gag.

"Spare us please" he joked, and Dan mock-saluted him.

"I think it's sweet" Zoe commented with a smile. Tanya nodded in agreement.

"Finally someone appreciates my niceness" he thanked Zoe and Tanya. Truth be told, Dan was loving the challenge. He and Phil usually set each other stupid little challenges for their own amusement when they were at YouTube conventions, mainly because they were surrounded by people. But Dan loved hugs, always had. So whether he won or lost the challenge, he was comforted in the knowledge that he might have made someone's day a little brighter.

"I don't see this as that much of a challenge, it's just nice" Dan told Phil after he returned from a quick catch up and hug with Anthony.

Phil nodded and took a sip of his drink. "I know what you mean" he agreed, "it's just nice to catch up with people and show them I care, you know?"

Dan nodded, before they both dashed off in different directions.

Come the end of the night, they were both tied on fifteen hugs each.

"People are definitely onto us" Phil laughed as they regrouped by the bar, taking note of the various YouTubers who were shooting them strange glances. 

"Time to retreat" Dan announced, placing his empty glass on the bar. They both then slipped out of the party and headed back up to their room. 

"I've missed you tonight" Dan pouted as he walked over to Phil and wrapped his arms around Phil's torso. He felt like a limpet whenever he did, and it always made him laugh.

"I've missed you too" Phil chuckled, and pressed a soft kiss to Dan's hair.

Dan then jumped back, and tapped on his phone screen which now read the time as midnight.

He stood with the phone in his hand for a fair few seconds, waiting for realisation to dawn on Phil. When it did, his expression was priceless.

"That's not fair! You tricked me!" Phil whined, and Dan shrugged.

"You know I'm a ruthless competitor" 

"But it's not fair!" Phil repeated, and Dan's laughter showed no signs of stopping.

"Tell your story walking. Mainly when you're buying me my expensive three course meal. I'm having _all_ the trimmings" he ruffled Phil's hair, and Phil sighed.

"We'd have a definite problem if I didn't love you so much" he mumbled, and Dan simply smiled as he slid into bed.

They laid in silence for a few minutes, and Dan was just dropping to sleep when Phil spoke up again.

"I'm totally getting you back, you know. I'm going to have the next challenge in the bag"

"We'll discuss it over the extortionately priced dessert you'll be buying me later today"

"I hate you"

"I love you too"

 

* * *

**_13\. Laughter is the best medicine, dose yourself up for a lifetime supply._ **

 

The end of ‘event season’ as they called it was always a weird time. They’d gone from hectic schedules with YouTube events aplenty, to nothing. Free time, considerably less hounding from management. With that, came the delivery of the gifts they’d received at various events.

They both sat in the middle of the living room with the sacks of viewer gifts between them, looking at each other with wide grins.

“Count of three?” Phil suggested, and Dan nodded.

As the countdown reached one, they both began eagerly rifling through different sacks, occasionally pulling out gifts to show the other.

“They really got your discoloured skin bang on” Dan observed as he held up a cross-stitched creation beside Phil’s head, and bit back a laugh as Phil looked at it.

“That’s Shrek” he stated, oblivious to Dan’s joke.

For a few seconds anyway, since Dan burst into laughter straight away and Phil pouted, and pushed him over.

A few minutes later, Phil burst into laughter himself, staring down at a piece of paper. Dan knew it was about him, since Phil every so often glanced over at him, then laughed again.

“Show me” Dan requested, and Phil shook his head, and bit his lip to stifle back another laugh.

“Give me the bloody piece of paper, you loser” Dan requested again as he stretched out his hand to snatch the paper from Phil’s grasp, but Phil held it out of his reach, and shook his head. A mischievous grin played on his lips.

Then commenced the play-fighting. They rarely play-fought, their competitiveness was usually filtered through a competitive round on a video game, but Dan felt a strong need to know what was on that piece of paper. Considered it a necessity, even.

“Give me the paper” Dan whined as he tried to reach for it again, but his arm was trapped by Phil’s, and he had pushed the paper further across the living room.

“You’re such a sore loser” Phil laughed.

“We’re two six-foot tall men in their twenties play-fighting in the middle of our living room fighting over a piece of paper, I think we’re both losers here” Dan was solely focused on the paper, and Phil laughed again.

His escape came when Phil reached for a wooden box of some description from one of the sacks, and Dan scrambled from his horizontal position and lunged for the paper.

“Are you fucking serious” Dan dropped the paper from in front of his face and looked to Phil, who was laughing softly again. “This is what you were finding so funny?” he held up the paper, which was a picture of him with an intentionally badly photoshopped moustache.

Phil erupted into laughter again and nodded. The more Dan looked at it, the more he saw the funny side. The viewer had written on the picture not to take it seriously, so he didn’t feel guilty whatsoever, the moustache didn’t even match his hair colour.

“This would have worked better on your picture, the moustache is your natural hair colour” Dan commented sassily, and Phil feigned offence, placing a hand over his heart.

“How very dare you” he gasped, and Dan couldn’t help but laugh.

They continued looking through the gifts for a few more minutes, occasionally laughing at something they picked out, but otherwise they were in pleasant silence.

“Hey, Dan” Phil called.

When Dan looked to him, Phil was holding the wooden box from earlier in one hand, and a felt tip pen in the other. He raised an eyebrow.

“Don’t you dare” Dan warned, and Phil started to move the felt tip pen closer to the box. Dan could already feel his skin crawling. “Phil, don’t you fucking dare” he tried again, but Phil continued to slowly bring the felt tip pen closer.

“I swear that I will punch the living daylights out of you if you even think about-“

Phil began scribbling on the side of the box. Dan sub-consciously cringed, and felt all realms of discomfort. It didn’t subside until the scribbling sound stopped, and he glanced at Phil with narrow eyes.

“That’s for your earlier comment” he winked, and Dan shook his head, but couldn’t stop the amused smile that crept on his face.

By the end of the night, they both collapsed backwards onto the floor in fits of giggles, viewers’ gifts scattered all around them. Their stomachs both hurt from laughing so much, and Dan felt content, happy. He felt like he could take on the world, and it only made him smile wider when he realised that he would never have to do it alone.

* * *

**_14\. Tell the one you love how much they mean to you. You never know when they might need to hear it._ **

 

“And then he dumped me, because he” she choked on her words and a fresh batch of tears fell from her eyes, “he said that he didn’t feel like I loved him”

Dan’s old friend Ava had dropped by on her way to visit her parents, and she was still reeling from a breakup from only the day before, the end of an eight-year long relationship.

“Surely he knew, though? He was all you spoke about” Dan spoke comfortingly, and Ava continued to sob into her hands. She then nodded, her face blotchy with tear streaks down her cheeks.

“I thought so too, it’s like an unspoken thing that both of us were supposed to know, you know? Does years of us being together not mean anything to him?” she asked rhetorically, and Dan wrapped her in a hug, as she began to sob into his shoulder. “I hope you never end up like this” she mumbled a little later, and Dan pressed his lips together.

“Yeah, me too” he said quietly.

Ava left around an hour later, and as Dan closed the door behind her, he leaned against it, deep in thought. Before he knew what he was doing, he walked up to the office, and knocked on the door gently.

“How’d it go? I heard the sobs” Phil asked once Dan walked in.

“Yeah, she’s a wreck, it’s hard to see someone like that” Dan replied, feeling a lump in his throat.

Phil got up from the desk and walked over to Dan, holding his arms open, and Dan walked into them.

“Are you okay?” he asked, hugging Dan tightly.

“I love you” Dan’s voice was muffled as he leaned against Phil’s chest.

And that was only the beginning. Ava’s words rang through Dan’s mind, and he made it his mission for Phil to know just how much Dan loved him.

He did so at every possible opportunity.

When Phil was waiting for the kettle to boil, when he was pouring milk into his cereal, when he was unpacking the shopping, before he left the room to do a liveshow, Dan was always there, telling Phil that he loved him. And every time, Phil would say it back, and they’d share a tender kiss.

“You’re being really affectionate recently, even more so than usual” Phil commented week or so later, after Dan had proclaimed his love over a dinner of leftover spaghetti.

“I just want you to know, that’s all” Dan shrugged, feeling a chill run down his spine as Ava’s words echoed through his mind again.

“What’s all this about” Phil placed his fork on his plate and rested his head on his hands, staring at Dan curiously from across the table.

Phil had always been able to read Dan like a book, it was almost impossible for Dan to hide anything. In this case, it was his fear of ending up in Ava’s position.

“I’m worried you’ll leave me” Dan admitted, and he dipped his head to look at his lap, scared to make eye contact.

“Why the hell would I do that?” Phil sounded genuinely confused, and Dan felt extremely vulnerable. “This is because of what your friend said, isn’t it” Phil spoke softly, and Dan nodded slowly.

There were a few moments of silence, then Phil took Dan’s hand and they both stood up. Dan’s gaze was still firmly on the floor, and Phil could see that Dan was biting his lip.

“Come here” he said as he pulled Dan in for a hug, and Dan automatically nuzzled his face into Phil’s chest, it was how their hugs usually went. It was instinct.

“There’s absolutely no reason for you to be worrying about that” he assured Dan, and pressed a gentle kiss to the top of his head. “It’s obvious how much we love each other, even strangers on the internet can see it, and that’s even when we dial it down in videos” Phil chuckled, and Dan hugged him tighter.

“I just can’t help but worry about this kind of thing. At the risk of sounding laughably cliché, I can’t imagine being without you” Dan admitted, taking a step back to reluctantly make eye contact.

Phil smiled.

“At the risk of sounding laughably cliché, as it stands right now I want nothing more than for us to spend our lives together” Phil reached out to take Dan’s hand again, and Dan sighed in relief. The fact he was overreacting had never been more crystal clear to him.

Dan wrapped his arms around Phil’s neck and pulled him close, initiating a lengthy kiss, which they both melted into.

“I love you” he whispered once they pulled apart, and Phil smiled widely.

“I love you too. But no more unnecessary worrying like this, okay?” Phil placed his hands on Dan’s cheeks and kissed him again, leaving them both smiling.

* * *

 

**_15\. Sitcom reruns are the best cure for illness._ **

 

Dan was one of those people who very rarely got ill. But when he got ill, all of the illnesses he had been immune to hit him at once. And took a long time to leave.

“How’s my little trooper doing?” Phil asked as he entered the bedroom with a bowl of soup and a glass of orange juice. His tone was one that was usually reserved for talking to babies. He found it hilarious, as he stifled a laugh afterwards.

“Bite me” Dan replied, pulling the duvet up to his chin and snuggling in further to it.

“Not today dear, you’re under the weather” Phil winked, and Dan rolled his eyes, but the colour still rushed to his cheeks.

“So what are you going to do today?” he asked as he placed the soup and orange juice on the bedside table. “Evidently not showering or editing”

Dan lifted a hand from his duvet cocoon and flicked Phil off.

“Sitcoms, soup and sleep are the key to getting better. Did you never get taught the three s’ of good health?” Dan asked with a raised eyebrow, and Phil shook his head, an amused smile on his lips.

“Neither did you, you make up all kinds of crap when you’re under the weather” Phil cooed, and he ruffled Dan’s hair, much to Dan’s annoyance.  “But i’ll leave you to your health regime, call if you need anything”

Phil then left, and Dan got through four spoonfuls of soup before his eyes began to bat closed, and he knew better than to resist temptation.

He awoke to Phil sat on the edge of the bed, watching a rerun of Friends on the tv that hung on the wall opposite the bed.

“What the hell are you doing?” Dan asked as he rubbed his eyes, and Phil turned momentarily to face him.

“Baking cookies… what does it look like I’m doing?” he replied sarcastically. “And before you say it, I know I didn’t wake you up. Not even a bloody asteroid falling through the roof could wake you up”

He had a point.

Dan shrugged and sat up, finally getting around to drinking the orange juice from earlier, and it looked as if Phil had reheated the soup, which he began to eat slowly.

“It’s incredibly hard to enjoy the show when your head is blocking half of the screen” Dan commented a few minutes later, and Phil turned to face him again.

“I would have gotten into bed beside you but you’re really weird about germs and stuff” Phil shrugged this time.

“When I’m the one with the ‘germs and stuff’ and you’re the healthy one, it’s very much your call” Dan explained, and Phil immediately jumped from the edge of the bed and dashed to the side, slipping into the bed in one fluid movement. He bunched the duvet up to his chin as Dan had done previously, and smiled at him.

“You’re probably going to get sick now, you realise” Dan told him.

“I don’t really care. We haven’t had the chance to have many of these cosy days recently so I’m taking advantage of the opportunity. In a way, you being ill is a blessing” Phil was beaming now, and Dan wondered how. He had never considered being ill any kind of positivity before.

“You’re probably going to get sick now” he repeated, and Phil nodded.

“I am aware. But I’m already lovesick so that might stave it off”

“That makes me want to throw up”

“Good, throwing up might make you feel better”

“You’re so weird”

“Shush, I’m trying to watch the show”

They watched an omnibus of episodes, fingers loosely intertwined under the duvet. Dan felt significantly better based on that fact alone. They were watching an argument between Ross and Rachel when Phil broke the pleasant silence.

After Ross argued _‘I don’t know, are we just kissing guys on balconies?’_ Phil chuckled. “Remember when we got really drunk at Playlist and ended up making out on the balcony?”

“What a crazy night that was. Louise had to call and tell us to go back inside” Dan recalled, prompting laughter from the two of them.

“And Tyler in the background was just encouraging it” Phil added, and Dan smiled fondly, it was one of their more adventurous drunken mishaps, considering viewers were staying in the very same hotel.

A few episodes later, when Phoebe told Joey _‘but before anyone figures out what we’ve done, we’ll be in sunny Mexico’,_ Dan spoke up.

“Have you ever wanted to go to Mexico?” he asked, and Phil shrugged.

“I want to go to a lot of places” he answered simply, and Dan laughed.

“Shame you get travel sick” he stated wistfully, and Phil swatted him playfully on the arm under the duvet.

“I can pop a pill and have that under control. That’s not a problem” he explained, and Dan nodded in understanding.

“Okay then, let’s do it, let’s go travelling one day” he proposed, and Phil chuckled.

“One day when we’re not bogged down with videos and admin and tour stuff, I’ll think about it” it was obvious he had no intention to. Dan pouted.

“I’m serious. We could even go right now, everyone knows we’re having a few days off, we could just go right now, get our tickets at the airport” Dan sat up straighter, looking at Phil expectedly.

“You know what we could also do right now?” Phil asked, and Dan shook his head as encouragement to continue.

“You could finish your soup and have another nap and I could go do both of our editing!” he exclaimed with fake enthusiasm in his voice.

Dan’s face dropped. “I hate you”

Phil laughed, and ruffled Dan’s hair again. “Let’s just go back to watching the show. You like this episode”

They both turned their attention back to the tv, and that’s how they spent their night. They fell asleep in each other’s arms despite Dan’s insistence that Phil was going to get ill and Phil not caring in the slightest.

* * *

**_16._ ** **_It’s okay to lose, as long as you never give up._ **

 

“Are you kidding me?” Dan huffed in frustration as he lost another round of Cards Against Humanity, he had yet to win a round despite him playing some of his best combinations he’d ever played.

“Can’t help being naturally funny, dear Daniel” Jim joked as he placed the winning black card onto his already sizeable pile.

Everyone around the table had won at least once (even Tanya, who didn’t like the game and just played a random card each time), but Phil was winning by a long shot.

“Apparently the funniest one of us is mister innocence over there” Joe commented, nodding towards Phil and his pile of winning cards, far larger than anyone else’s.

Phil blushed, and Joe laughed. “I’m only joking, mate, you’ve earned them well”

“Next round!” Zoe announced as she read out the next prompt. Dan spent extra time in selecting his card, and tried his hardest to pander to Zoe’s sense of humour.

Louise, Tanya, Alfie and Phil all answered in under twenty seconds at pretty much the same time, but Joe and Dan took longer, Dan assumed they had the same tactic.

“We’ve been siblings my whole life, Zo, we should have a mind meld” Joe placed his fingers to his temple and closed his eyes, pretending to initiate telepathy, and Zoe rolled her eyes as she shuffled the white answer cards around once everyone had put down their choice.

“Come on Zoe you know you want to pick mine, just go for it” Dan was almost pleading, even though Zoe probably had no idea which his answer was.

Louise won the round, and both Joe and Dan groaned.

“Does nobody understand good humour these days?? It’s twenty-fourteen, people! Wake up!” Dan exclaimed dramatically, erupting laughter and smirks from everyone around the table.

The game ended a few rounds later, with people wanting to go to that night’s Vidcon party down by the pool. Dan ended the game with no winning cards to his name, and Phil won the game, beating Jim in second place by six cards.

Dan and Phil both opted for a night in their room instead of going to the party, deciding to go to the one the next day instead.

“Are you alright? You’ve been awfully quiet since we got back to the room” Phil asked, biting his lip. He always hated Dan being in the silent mood, it usually meant he was beating himself up over something he shouldn’t be.

“Am I not funny?” Dan asked, staring straight at the ceiling. It didn’t feel as if the question was even necessarily aimed at Phil, but rather at anyone that would listen.

“You’re basing this paranoia on the fact that you lost a game of Cards Against Humanity with a group of our very good friends” Phil stated, and Dan shrugged.

“The context doesn’t matter” Dan insisted.

“Dan you’re naturally gifted at comedy. That’s why you have millions of subscribers who eat up your every word with laughs aplenty” Phil reminded him, and Dan moved into Phil’s arms, and they just sat like that in silence for a while.

“Why do I always overreact like this” Dan’s question was more of a statement, and Phil chuckled.

“It’s just who you are. I like balancing you out” Phil cuddled him tighter. “Tomorrow we’ll challenge them to another game and I’m sure you’ll make your comeback” he pressed a kiss to Dan’s hair.

“Will you let me win just to make sure I do better than someone?” Dan asked, looking up at Phil with a puppy-dog expression and stuck out bottom lip.

“I don’t know about that, I have a reputation to protect” he placed a hand to his chest patriotically, and Dan pouted again. “I’m just kidding, you spoon. Of course I will” Phil pressed a soft kiss to the tip of Dan’s nose, and they both smiled at each other.

* * *

**_17\. Always take a moment to remember you're important to people. You matter._ **

 

Dan was a people-pleaser. It was one of the things he most hated about himself, he had an uncontrollable need to please everyone, everyone he encountered in real life and online.

Being a YouTuber with millions of subscribers, it was difficult to make everyone happy. He typically avoided looking at the comments section on his videos, but every so often he would be up all night reading through all the hate and letting it get to him. It pushed him to the point of seriously considering deactivating and deleting his channel.

The hate comments covered all manner of topics; the sound and picture quality of his videos, the content itself, Dan himself, assumptions and insults about his sexuality (that he was careful never to reveal in a video, he knew what the internet could do with that information), even death threats and wishes for him to drop dead. It all got too much for him from time to time.

His sobs were louder than usual.

It was four in the morning when they woke Phil up, and he gently knocked on the door and walked in cautiously. As soon as he saw Dan’s laptop was on the comment section of one of his videos, he pressed his lips together and carefully sat on the edge of the bed, and put the laptop on the floor.

“You need to stop doing this” Phil spoke softly, and he ran his fingers through Dan’s hair.

“I can’t,” Dan answered, sitting up and rubbing his eyes. “I’ve only been doing this for three years, it’s not too late to quit”

It broke Phil’s heart to know that Dan was seriously considering quitting.

“But so many people love you, they tell you every day” Phil reminded him, and Dan dipped his head.

“They’re just saying it to be nice” Dan mumbled, and Phil rested his hand on Dan’s atop the duvet.

“Do you _really_ believe that?” Phil feathered a finger beneath Dan’s chin, tilting his head upwards so they regained eye contact. Dan nodded.

Phil sighed slightly, and stroked Dan’s cheek with the pad of his thumb. He then got up and left, with the promise of being back soon. Dan’s eyes burned from his previous crying session, and his fingers twitched, wanting to beg the haters in his comments of what he could do to please them, what he could do to stop them from hating him. But he didn’t, instead he curled up into a ball and squeezed his eyes shut, praying to any religious icon that may exist for the sweet release of sleep, bringing the promise of being able to deal with everything later in the day.

Needless to say, sleep didn’t come. He tossed and he turned, hoping for a miracle. A miracle for more reasons than one.

Phil returned at seven in the morning, glasses over his red, sleep-deprived eyes, and a stack of paper in his hands. Dan looked at him quizzically as Phil dropped the paper in his lap.

“What have you been doing?” he asked, and Phil simply pointed to the paper.

“Just read” he instructed, then squeezed the bridge of his nose to try and stave off a yawn, and Dan was launched into guilt as he was the reason Phil got next to no sleep, the least he could do was check out what Phil had been working on.

Printed out on the paper was reams and reams of YouTube comments, tweets and tumblr asks, all directed to Dan’s accounts, with nothing but positivity. Meaningful messages, some only a line long and some stretching to over twenty paragraphs, enough to bring a tear to anyone’s eye.

“You didn’t have to do this…”

Phil seemingly ignored him, and climbed into bed beside him, splitting the stack of paper and placing half on his own lap.

“See look here, the words ‘you saved my life’ are here six times on this page alone” he handed the piece of paper over to Dan, placing his finger at the side of every instance of the phrase.

“And here,” he handed another piece of paper over, “the words ‘you always brighten my day’ appear in every message”

As Dan continued to read through the messages, he felt his eyes well up, to the point his vision went blurry and he couldn’t read anymore. When he sniffled, Phil wrapped an arm around his shoulders and pulled him in close, and then rested his head on Dan’s.

“For every bad comment like that, remember you have a hundred positive ones” Phil whispered, and Dan wiped away a few stray tears from his cheeks.

“I just want to make everyone happy…” he admitted, and Phil nodded.

“I know you do. But you know what you can do to make _me_ happy?” he asked, and Dan pulled away to look at him, and shook his head.

“Keep doing what you’re doing. I know you love what you do, and I know you don’t want to stop. Neither do the hundreds of thousands of people whose lives you’ve impacted in the best way and sometimes even saved”

Dan began to cry again.

That’s how they spent the rest of the morning, reading through viewer messages and Dan crying over them (Phil cried a few times over some of the ones that addressed both of them), just comfortable in each other’s company, crying on each other’s shoulders when needed and wiping away each other’s happy tears whenever they looked to each other.

The hate comments never quite affected Dan as badly again.

* * *

**_18._ ** **_Be a nice human being. You’ll never be able to walk in someone else’s shoes_ ** .

 

It had been a turbulent past few months. Their friendship was on the rocks, Dan was constantly in foul moods, and he had no idea what caused it in the first place. They were having arguments more often than ever before, and Dan actively avoided being near Phil whenever they were on camera. A viewer had even commented on it during a liveshow, and Phil suggested them sitting closer so they were in both in shot, but Dan refused. He didn’t even know why.

He didn’t know what had caused him to attempt to destroy the best friendship he’d ever had. He didn’t know why everything was going wrong, or why he felt the need to hide everything away from the world. He didn’t know why he got so angry and defensive whenever someone commented on his and Phil’s friendship, never mind speculations about a relationship. But one thing he did know: he was taking it all out on Phil.

He knew it wasn’t fair.

But he was feeling better, recently, more happy in himself and his life choices. But Phil was still somewhat hostile towards him (and rightfully so) and Dan made it his priority to rectify their friendship, it was one of the most important things in his life. He’d been without a best friend for the majority of his life thus far, and the last thing he was prepared to do was to let the friendship slip through his fingers.

“Morning” Dan greeted as he walked into the lounge, where Phil was eating a bowl of cereal on the sofa, laptop in front of him.

“Morning” he greeted in return, not pausing the video that was playing. Dan knew that Phil wasn’t going to continue conversation willingly. It was more than understandable.

Dan made himself a coffee and walked over to the sofa, sitting beside Phil. He pressed his lips together when Phil scooted further away from him.

“I don’t want to invade your personal space” Phil explained, picking up on Dan’s silence and not so subtle stares.

Dan simply nodded, and internally cursed himself for messing things up so badly.

“How about we go out for dinner tonight? My treat” he suggested, biting the metaphorical bullet. He wanted to get things back on track, and he felt that an aid to that would be to get out of the flat, where all of their arguments had been taking place.

Phil turned to look at him, surprise evident in his facial features. “Sure” he replied, a questioning intonation in his tone, “Where?”

Dan smiled, frankly relieved that Phil agreed, even if it was suspiciously so. “I’ll take care of that. You just be ready for about eight-ish” Dan told him, and Phil nodded. Dan then left, walking back to his bedroom to look for restaurants in their area, he wanted the best of the best, since that’s what Phil deserved. Not that he’d been delivering that himself, recently. The realisation made him shudder with regret.

By nine in the evening, they were seated opposite each other in the restaurant, a bottle of wine between them.

“This place is really fancy…” Phil observed as he looked around, and Dan smiled.

“I know what you’re going to say, and no. It’s my treat, just enjoy the free food and alcohol” he told Phil before he could offer to split the bill. Phil then smiled, and it was a refreshing sight that Dan hadn’t seen in weeks.

“Well I’d be a fool to say no to that” Phil shrugged, then went back to perusing the menu, and Dan followed suit.

Conversation flowed easier than it had in months, and Dan’s hunch about being out of the flat doing them a world of good was seemingly correct. They were laughing and joking almost like old times before their rift, and Dan was thankful.

It was the first time they’d been out of the flat together since their dark spell began, they had only been going outside separately, not being seen together unless it was vital for their careers. Again, it was something that Dan had been actively avoiding.

Three shared bottles of wine later, they were both feeling a little light-headed, and words were slipping out of mouths before they knew it.

“Why have you been so distant lately?” Phil asked, cocking his head to the side.

Dan felt his body tense, ready to defend himself, but he knew his bark would be worse than his bite. He was feeling much more comfortable in Phil’s presence than he had been in months, and he wanted to let it show.

“Personal stuff” Dan answered plainly.

“I haven’t been liking it” Phil revealed, a small hiccup following his words. It made Dan laugh, and that in turn caused Phil to pout.

“Sorry. But I’ve not liked it either, I think I was going through second puberty or something” Dan shrugged, and it was Phil’s turn to laugh.

“Can we just,” he paused to hiccup again, “Can we start over, please?”

Dan grinned. “I’d like that” he held up his wine glass. “To the new and improved us”

They clinked their glasses together just as their next course of food came, and the waitress beamed at them as she placed down their plates.

“You two just make the cutest couple” she smiled sweetly, and Dan felt his body tense again. Such a statement had so far in the year of 2012, up until a few hours ago, made him lash out at whoever said it.

He heard Phil’s sharp intake of breath from across the table, and he was looking at the waitress as if he was praying for her life.

“Thank you” Dan replied with a smile, which the waitress returned before leaving them in peace.

Phil stared at Dan with wide eyes, as if he couldn’t quite believe the reaction Dan had just given the waitress’ statement. For so long, Dan had been adamant not to be seen with him, and to give the indication they were a couple now was surreal. Not that he was complaining.

“I-“

Dan cut him off. “Not now. We’ll discuss it when we get home” he winked, before proposing another silent toast over a clink of glasses, signifying the new era of their friendship, in turn closing the chapter of their friendship that Dan saw a viewer once call _‘the year that shall not be named’._ Dan found it a fitting title, one he agreed with.

* * *

**_19\. Find a friendship that you don’t have to hide anything from, where you can be completely yourself._ **

 

As soon as Dan saw the wordwide twitter trend of ‘ _#NationalBestFriendDay’,_ he knew he had to tweet something. It would only be right. Thousands of viewers had already tweeted him asking him to tweet Phil about it and asking what they were doing for it.

They woke up at the same time, as they had done every day on the tour so far, and Dan knew Phil hadn’t been online yet. When Phil left to shower, Dan seized the opportunity to tweet.

_@danisnotonfire: apparently it’s #NationalBestFriendDay  fuck you @AmazingPhil’_

He closed the app as soon as he tweeted, knowing that if he looked at the replies he would laugh too much and give it away to Phil, who was still oblivious.

“What are you all smiley about?” Phil asked suspiciously as he walked back into the lounge area of the tour bus, grabbing a drink from the mini-fridge.

“Is there anything wrong with being happy right now? I’m on a sold-out tour with my best friend, life is sweet” Dan was stalling for time, and had to bite his tongue to keep back his laughter at using the words ‘best friend’. They had limited entertainment whilst they were on the tour bus, so his tweet and silly twitter trends were keeping Dan extremely entertained at the moment.

“I don’t trust you but okay, be like that” Phil shrugged, retrieving his laptop from the arm of the sofa and gradually beginning to scroll through his networks. Dan bit his lip as he awaited Phil’s reaction.

Phil gasped a minute or so later, and placed his laptop on Dan’s lap. He expected to see his own tweet, but instead Phil was showing him some fanart on tumblr, relating to Phil’s latest video. Dan was a seal and Phil was a woodpecker in the art, and they both took a moment to marvel at how talented their fanbase was. It still baffled them how such talented people could be interested in them.

“There’s not actually that much happening today” Phil stated a while later, and Dan rolled his eyes. He wanted Phil’s reaction, it was the only thing keeping him sane whilst on the agonisingly long journey to the next hotel.

“Why are all the trends really weird nowadays? I remember when-“ Phil cut himself off as he stared at something on his screen. A second later he lowered his laptop lid to throw Dan an _are you serious_ look. Dan found it hilarious and burst into hysterical laughter.

Phil took a minute or two to scroll through the replies to Dan’s tweet, and a smile grew on his lips as everyone encouraged him to reply. Some wanted him to be savage, some wanted him to be sarcastic, but Phil was severely sleep deprived and his mind wasn’t working at full capacity, he wasn’t quick-witted enough to think of something savage. Semi-sarcastic, though, he could do.

He scrolled back up to the tweet, and hovered over the block button, then screenshotted it and tweeted it as a reply.

He watched as Dan got the notification, and Dan shot him the very same look that Phil had shot him mere minutes before.

“Shame you can’t block me out of your life” Dan shrugged, then stood up and ruffled Phil’s hair. As he left the room, Phil muttered a ‘we’ll see’ and spent the rest of the journey formulating a plan.

They were both overreacting over a stupid twitter trend and a tweet thread, but they had always loved to play little pranks on each other. Phil had yet to get revenge on Dan for waking him up by dropping a water balloon on his face a few days before.

“Nervous?” Phil asked as they arrived in their hotel room a few hours later.

“Nah, never. I’m a pro” Dan replied in a dramatic posh accent, and Phil rolled his eyes playfully.

“Okay then, mister pro, go down to the vending machine and get us a snack. Lunch isn’t served until two” Phil made a hurry motion with his hand, and Dan jumped up from the bed at the sound of the word snack.

“Your wish is my command, good sir” he saluted, then left in pursuit of the vending machine at the end of the corridor, and Phil immediately ran to lock the door.

He giggled to himself as he heard footsteps come back up to the door, and Dan tried the handle.

“Phil?” he called, and Phil couldn’t quieten his laughter any longer. “This isn’t funny!” Dan said as he knocked on the door again, and Phil’s laughter didn’t subside.

Dan sighed and leaned against the wall.

“Maybe I can’t block you out of my life” Phil spoke, his voice broken by his laughter, “But I can b- _lock_ you out of our room” he then erupted into laughter again, and Dan himself even had to chuckle at how bad Phil’s joke was. Even though the context of it was true.

“Let me in you absolute dork, I need to get ready” Dan reminded him, but Phil remained silent.

He didn’t let Dan in right until they had to leave, and even then Phil locked the door behind him.

“I haven’t even gotten changed” Dan stated, gesturing to his outfit, which was very casual loungewear.

Phil held up a carrier bag, and thrust it into Dan’s chest. He would have to get changed at the venue, where there were tour crew and venue staff in every inch of the backstage area. The journey to the venue wouldn’t be long enough to leave time to change on the tour bus.

“I’ve got you covered” he smiled, then walked off in the direction of the lifts, a reluctant Dan following.

As they were travelling back down to the lobby, Phil threw an arm around Dan’s shoulders. “Happy national best friend day, best friend” he squeezed Dan’s shoulders and burst into laughter again.

“Fuck you, Phil” Dan muttered, though a small smile playing on his lips.

* * *

**_20\. There is a lot of weird but informative stuff on the internet._ **

 

“AmazingWoodpecker has a ring to it, I think” Dan commented as he showed Phil a piece of fanart from his recent video.

“And sealisnotonfire is the username you should’ve chosen way back when” Phil replied as he flicked onto another piece of art, and they both shared a laugh.

“Can you really get men to write whatever you want on their torsos and them to dance for you in the middle of a forest?” Dan asked, and Phil nodded.

“Of course. There’s all manner of glorious services available”

“Please stop saying services like that”

They both laughed again.

“I know we’re both thinking the same thing” Phil stated a few minutes later, and Dan grinned. Because they were.

“An hour, whoever finds the weirdest one wins”

Phil nodded in agreement and they both immediately began scouring the internet for the weirdest things they could buy with 5 dollars or under. They were only inputting the details of each other, they found it funnier that way.

They were silent for the duration of the hour, the only sound being the air conditioner and the occasional laugh as one of them found something amusing.

They left for some food afterwards, and when they returned both of their inboxes were swarming with replies from the services they had contacted. They both sat cross-legged facing each other on the bed, laptops poised on their laps.

“Phil, are you ready to find out the alliteration that best describes you?” Dan asked, wiggling his eyebrow. Phil frowned.

“You did not pay for someone to give you a random piece of alliteration”

Dan ignored him and continued anyway. “Based on your name and favourite colour, your defining alliteration is _bold, brash and beautiful”_

Phil bit back a laugh.

“Well, one out of three isn’t bad” Dan critiqued.

“I am known for my brash nature” Phil smirked, and Dan threw his head back in laughter.

“Are you ready to know which celebrity you are destined for dating, Danny boy?” Phil asked in a stereotypical gameshow voice, and Dan looked at him quizzically.

Phil took Dan’s silence as encouragement to continue.

“Based on your star sign and favourite food, you’re apparently going to dump me for… Zoe Sugg”

“Are you serious?” Dan asked, and Phil nodded with a grin as he showed Dan his laptop, and the creator of the site had indeed said that Dan was destined for Zoe.

“Well, first off it’s good to know that creepy fifty year old guys in their basements know about YouTube culture, secondly I’m off to go make hashtag Doe a thing, don’t wait up”

Dan then shook his head in disbelief and they laughed yet again. They were having the most fun they’d had in weeks.

They continued comparing results for another hour, laughing about each one and shaking their heads at why they bothered even spending money on it, they both knew it was all bullshit. But very, very entertaining bullshit nonetheless.

“Yours all sound like bloody buzzfeed quizzes” Dan could barely get his words out for he was laughing so hard, and he had his hands on his stomach as he keeled over on the bed in laughter.

“What, and ‘the poetry line that tells your love life’ doesn’t?” Phil defended, only spurring Dan’s laughter on more.

“I think it’s a tie, though, I really do. We both found the stupidest yet funniest stuff” Dan told Phil once he stopped laughing so hard and his breathing returned to a regular pattern. Phil nodded vigorously.

“I agree! We should do this more often though, I’d like to know what the me in other future years will be like”

Needless to say they found a new hobby whenever they got bored.

* * *

**_21\. Staring contests can make or break you._ **

 

“For fucks sake!” Dan exclaimed in frustration, throwing his arms up in the air and flopped against the arm of the sofa.

Phil laughed and leaned his back against the other arm of the sofa, crossing his arms across his chest, watching Dan in amusement.

“I told you I’m good at staring contests, you should have expected this” Phil reminded him, and Dan groaned.

“But I don’t _want_ to wash the dishes. Some of them have been in there for a week” he whined, and Phil nodded, raising an eyebrow.

“Neither of us do. That’s why we’re playing for it, and you just lost, so get to it” Phil clicked his fingers and pointed towards the kitchen, and Dan groaned again.

“Or,” Dan sat bolt upright as he proposed his suggestion. “We could go for the best of three”

Phil chuckled. “Why would I agree to that when I’ve already won?”

Dan pouted. “Because you’re not a coward, and you love when we’re competitive like this”  

Dan then tried his best to give his most convincing look, which only resulted in Phil laughing at him. So Dan tried a puppy-dog expression, knowing it usually got him his way. He was going all out to not have to do the dishes.

“That’s not going to work on me this time” Phil stated sternly, yet avoided making eye contact.

Dan got his way.

“I can’t believe I’ve agreed to this when I’ve already won” Phil tutted as they got closer and began the staring contest, and Dan smiled.

“You won’t win again, we’ll play another time after this and I’ll have won the whole thing and then you can go clean the gross dishes whilst I laugh” Dan had a new bout of confidence coursing through his veins, and blinked a few times to get it out of his system so he put himself in the best stance for the contest. Phil stifled back a laugh.

It was only a minute in that Dan began to struggle. He was desperate to blink, and he knew that any second his eyes would begin to burn out of desperation to blink, and would water so much to the point he would have no choice but to lose. Again.

So he came up with a plan. It helped to distract himself from the situation with his eyes, it was proven that the best way to distract the mind was to focus on something else.

“His crystal blue eyes, though sometimes tri-colour, so mesmerising you could go swimming in them” Dan recited the line from a fanfic a viewer had tweeted him a few days before, and Phil bit his lip, again stifling a laugh.

“As much as I love you serenading me with soppy fanfic imagery, I’m not budging” Phil remained stone-faced, steady as a rock, showing no signs of surrendering. Dan was still suffering, on the brink of blinking.

“His pale skin, complexion as fair as the words he spoke, complementing the pearly white smile he showed to the world” Dan wasn’t giving up.

“I have no idea if you’re making this up or if someone actually wrote this in a fanfiction but top notch similes” Phil smiled, evidently sensing Dan was close to losing.

Dan knew that his tactic wasn’t working, and any second now he would be forced to forfeit his chance of winning, and he would have to face the disgusting mountain of dishes piled messily beside the sink.

But he had a last-ditch attempt. Ruthless.

He was sure to keep his eyes open as he leaned forward and kissed Phil, smiling as he knew Phil closed his eyes. He always did when they kissed, Dan could just control himself more than Phil could.

“Loser” Dan grinned as they pulled apart, and Phil shook his head.

“Nope, not fair. I demand a recount”

“Overruled”

“But it’s not fair, you can’t just go rogue like that”

“I think I just did” Dan was still grinning, and Phil sighed.

“You know what, fine. I’ll do the damn dishes” he surrendered, holding up both hands and standing up from the sofa, gently flicking Dan on the side of his head as he did so.

Dan sat back against the sofa still smiling from his victory, and let himself blink a million and one times, his eyes had earned it.

“After one last kiss” Phil had reappeared, and was stood behind the sofa, looking down at Dan.

“So whipped” Dan teased once they pulled apart from their kiss, and Phil rolled his eyes.

“I’ll be spending more time with the dishes tonight than I will with you, there’s so many of them” he sighed, realising now the extent of the task.

Dan shrugged, stating ‘I can deal with it’ then laughed as he watched Phil trudge into the kitchen.

* * *

**_22\. The best friendships are ones where you give each other space, yet never part._ **

 

(11:21am) Phil: Get milk on your way back

(11:23am) Dan: I’m not at home either you realise

(11:25am) Phil: That’s why I said on your way back. Your train gets in before mine

(11:33am) Dan: I thought we left some milk before we left? I bought some the day before

(11:36am) Phil: Yeah there’s a possibility that may not be there anymore

(11:40am) Dan: You had some of my cereal and used the rest of the milk didn’t you

(11:43am) Phil: Of course not and I’m offended at the accusation

(11:43am) Phil: Okay maybe I did

(11:43am) Phil: … maybe

(11:44am) Phil: Okay I did

(11:44am) Phil: ARE YOU HAPPY NOW

(11:45am) Dan: I had a feeling. A crazy woman outside the shops said that I would be betrayed today

(11:47am) Phil: I mean technically you weren’t ‘betrayed’ nor was it today. It was on the day we both left, I just had a quick bowl of cereal in between you leaving and me having to leave

(12:01pm) Dan: What time does your train get in?

(12:10pm) Phil: About 4ish

(12:12pm) Dan: Yeah I’ll be back way before you

(12:15pm) Phil: So you can get milk

(12:16pm) Dan: I’m not getting the milk, it wasn’t me that used the last of it

(12:17pm) Phil: But I’ll be tired when my train gets in, jet lag

(12:18pm) Dan: We’ve been away for two days to our families, I don’t think jet lag is your problem

(12:19pm) Phil: TRAIN LAG

(12:21pm) Dan: ….

(12:21pm) Dan:  Moving swiftly on from that

(12:21pm) Dan: Should I get the neighbours anything for making sure nobody broke in whilst we were gone?

(12:24pm) Phil: Get them some biscuits

(12:24pm) Phil: Then ask if you can borrow some milk

(12:26pm) Dan: You’re buying the damn milk

(12:28pm) Phil: But train lag

(12:48pm) Dan: I think I’m going to get them a box of chocolates, just the standard

(12:49pm) Dan: I hope they don’t think I’m asking them on a date, I don’t want a threesome

(12:50pm) Phil: You don’t yet, anyway

(12:51pm) Dan: I’m pretending you didn’t say that

(13:19pm) Dan: What if they try to tempt me in with wine and cookies

(13:22pm) Phil: Then you ask what kind of threesome serves cookies

(13:26pm) Dan: Maybe I won’t buy them anything

(13:27pm) Dan: Just to keep myself safe from fifty-something neighbour predators that have a key to our flat

(13:27pm) Dan: I might hide in starbucks for a couple of hours just in case

(13:30pm) Phil: Bring milk on your way back from starbucks then

(13:31pm) Dan: NO

(13:32pm) Dan: You must face the consequences of your actions, no milk for you unless you buy some

(13:37pm) Phil: But that means you can’t have cereal until I get back

(13:38pm) Phil: And I know you’ll be craving some sugary goodness since your parents only have the gross healthy cereal 

(13:40pm) Dan: I hate that you know this

(13:42pm) Phil: I know everything

(13:43pm) Dan: Do you know how much I want to punch you because you used up the milk

(13:44pm) Phil: I do. Not at all because I know you love me too much, more than silly milk

(13:45pm) Dan: I hate you

(13:46pm) Phil: I know you’re lying, I bet you’re doing that cute blushy thing right now

(13:47pm) Dan: It’s not cute

(13:49pm) Phil: I beg to differ

(13:55pm) Dan: I’m going to go to buy some chocolate when I get off the train just so I can eat it in front of you when you get home

(13:57pm) Phil: Bring milk

* * *

**_23\. Keep some moments for yourself - the world doesn’t have to see everything._ **

 

“So how was filming?” Phil asked with a smirk as Dan and Tyler walked into the living room after wrapping up filming their Never Have I Ever video.

“Painful” Dan mumbled as he rubbed over the parts of his arm that had gotten shocked with electricity less than an hour before, and Tyler laughed.

“It was hilarious how you kept setting him up to fail” Tyler praised, shooting a grin to Phil.

“So you noticed, huh?” he asked in amusement, and Tyler nodded, Dan scoffed. “Which ones did you use?”

“The ones that didn’t incriminate me and my open affection” Dan replied, attempting to shoot daggers at Phil, who bit his lip to prevent laughter.

“Speaking of,” Tyler spoke up, “You never did tell me which YouTuber it is that you kissed” he was referring to a part of the video that Dan was _definitely_ going to edit out.

Both Dan and Phil stared at Tyler like he had two heads, and Tyler shook his head.

“Well fucking obviously you two, you do it every damn day” he gestured to the two of them, “but you said there was someone else, right?”

Immediately, Dan blushed, and Phil threw his head back in laughter, Tyler looked on expectedly, impatient that he was out of the loop.

“Are you talking about that time at playlist when you got really drunk, put on that wig and then-“

“Okay then that’s enough of that. How about some food?” Dan interjected, clasping his hands together. He then reached for a takeaway menu from under the coffee table and threw it at Tyler, interrupting him from mouthing ‘tell me later?’ to Phil.

The topic was dropped for around ten minutes whilst they ordered their food, but as soon as they were all sat back down in the living room, beers in hand, conversation turned back quickly.

“So I heard you lied on one of the prompts” Phil confronted Dan, and the brunet froze.

“Which one would that be?”

“You said you never had a shrine for a YouTuber, but if I recall correctly valentines’ day of twenty-fifteen…”

“I did that as a joke and you know it” Dan shot back, and Phil shrugged, whilst Tyler watched the discussion in amazement. Every conversation the pair had was the epitome of domesticity, and he had no idea how they pulled it off. None of their friends did.

After a few more sarcastic comments, Phil got out his phone and tapped on the screen a few times, then handed it over to Tyler, who snorted in laughter.

“Wow,” his reaction was causing Dan to blush terribly. “Candles and all. You really went all out to secure the position of Phil trash number one didn’t you”

“That phrase is so outdated”

“So is your sense of romance, evidently” Tyler quipped, earning a laugh from Phil. “All you needed was a few hair clippings and a toenail and you would have had the lair of a psychopath right there”

“You read our fanfiction so I’m surprised you haven’t already read that exact scenario” Dan stated, and Phil turned his attention to Tyler.

“You do?” he asked with an amused expression, and Tyler shrugged.

“Listen, you have talented fans. It’d be rude not to, really” Tyler defended, “Besides, Shane’s literally read it out in a video, smut and all, so I mean who’s really the worst one here”

“As if that’s even a question” Dan replied with a grin, and colour rushed to Tyler’s cheeks.

Once the food came, the three of them spent the night comparing stories about both their personal and YouTube lives, some related to the prompts from the video and some not, but Dan hadn’t laughed so much in ages, he knew it was a night he’d remember for a long time.

“Good to know you’re still as obsessed as you were seven years ago” Phil told Dan sleepily as they laid together that night, comfortable silence surrounding them as they drifted off to sleep.

“It’s been a mortifying night as it is, I don’t need your sleepy sarcasm” Dan whispered in response, and Phil snuggled in further.

“It’s just a reassurance, if anything” he insisted, and Dan smiled. “Even if you refuse to admit you have an album of secret photos you’ve taken of me”

* * *

**_24\. Nothing is better than the sweet relief of sugary goodness._ **

 

(14:03pm) Dan: Have you seen the sweets I bought in the online shopping yesterday?

(14:06pm) Phil: Can’t say I have

(14:07pm) Dan: But you unpacked the shopping

(14:08pm) Phil: And we bought enough to feed a small army, I don’t remember every single thing and where it went or didn’t go

(14:15pm) Dan: They’re not in the sweet cupboard

(14:15pm) Dan: Or in the cupboard above the fridge

(14:16pm) Dan: Or in the salad drawer (yes I know you stash stuff there)

(14:25pm) Phil: I know what you’re thinking and no I didn’t

(14:25pm) Phil: How could you think such things about me

(14:26pm) Phil: I would never eat your sour sweets dipped in chocolate with sprinkles on top

(14:27pm) Dan: You ate my sweets didn’t you

(14:28pm) Phil: YES OKAY I’M SORRY

(14:30pm) Dan: I was really looking forward to those you doof

(14:31pm) Phil: You know better than to leave me around sugar!! It’s a free for all in my eyes!

(14:33pm) Dan: You’re an absolute mess

(14:35pm) Phil: Is there a sugarholics anonymous anywhere near us I need help

(14:36pm) Dan: How about you just stop eating it

(14:38pm) Phil: That’s like asking me to stop breathing

(14:39pm) Dan: I mean… if it means I’ll actually be able to eat my own sweets, then…

(14:54pm) Phil: I also ate the box of chocolates you bought for your auntie’s birthday I’m sorry

(14:56pm) Dan: Shockingly enough I saw the wrappers all over the floor when I walked into the lounge at 2am when you were passed out on the sofa so I bought another box it’s fine

(14:57pm) Dan: But you still have a problem

(15:01pm) Phil: It’s good to confess these things though

(15:01pm) Phil: I also stole the cookie scented candle from your room

(15:01pm) Phil: Okay enough confessions for now

(17:31pm) Dan: You know the Maroon 5 song Sugar?

(17:33pm) Phil: Who doesn’t?

(17:34pm) Dan: What’s it about?

(17:37pm) Phil: I’ll tell you when you’re older

(17:41pm) Dan: No I mean like is it about kissing or full blown sex

(17:43pm) Phil: One guess

(17:44pm) Dan: Fair play

(17:47pm) Dan: I imagine your kisses right now would taste of my sweets

(17:52pm) Dan: I love you

(18:03pm) Phil: I love you too

(18:26pm) Phil: Also I just ate the last of your Lucky Charms

* * *

**_25\. You’ve got this._ **

 

The sun was setting on June 11th, 2016. The American sun was slowly disappearing, and Dan closed the book and placed it on his stomach, then got into bed, smiling up at the ceiling.

“What’re you reading?” Phil asked cheerfully as he slipped into Dan’s bed beside him after just entering the room. The bed wasn’t really big enough to accommodate Dan on his own, never mind both of them, long legs and all. But it was cosy, intimate, needed.

“Nothing really” Dan replied wistfully as he passed the book over, and Phil began skimming through it.

“Weird book if I’ve ever seen one” he commented as he passed it back, and Dan placed it on the bedside table, and they then turned to face each other.

“Happy birthday” Phil smiled, and pressed a soft kiss to Dan’s lips.

“That must be the three hundredth time you’ve said that to me today” Dan told him, and Phil laughed.

“In my defence, it’s something I can only say once every year, I’m just getting my fill”

Dan rolled his eyes and Phil laughed again.

“Big day ahead of us tomorrow. Your special birthday show and all” Phil reminded him, and Dan took a sharp breath.

“Kind of daunting, don’t you think?” Dan asked, a slight sense of anxiety creeping up on him.

“No more so than the other million shows we’ve done so far. It’s just us doing what we love to do but on stage in front of people that love you. Though this show might involve a few surprises courtesy of the crew”

“Wait what?”

“I probably shouldn’t have told you that…” Phil bit his lip, “But don’t worry, I’ve made sure it’s nothing too bad” he then winked, which did little to help Dan’s nerves.

“But-“

“I’ll be there with you all the time, and if needs be I’ll fall off the stage again to take the focus off you” Phil shrugged, and Dan laughed, immediately feeling relieved of his previous worries.

“Want me to sleep here tonight?” Phil whispered a few minutes later, and Dan nodded slowly, pressing a kiss to Phil’s lips, a silent confirmation and plea.

And so Phil did. They slept together in the tiny, cramped bed, but somehow they made it work. They were so comfortable in each other’s presence that it wasn’t an issue. Even if Phil’s own bed was only a couple of metres away.

As Dan was drifting off to sleep, listening to Phil’s deep breathing from beside him, his mind went to wonder what the next year of his life could possibly entail. Twenty-five wasn’t necessarily a monumental age, but his twenty-fourth year had brought so many life changing events and moments, it made his stomach do a flip in anticipation just thinking of how this year could possibly top it.

But he felt that whatever the year threw at him, he could handle it. He was more knowledgeable, more wise and confident. But most of all, he knew he didn’t have to face anything alone, and that’s what gave him the boost he needed on even the darkest of days.

**Author's Note:**

> Wow okay this fic has been more than four months in the making… twenty-five separate oneshots is harder than it looks to write (trust me), especially when they’re all semi-reality ones too. But it was all worth it because now it’s finally posted and I hope you all enjoyed it!
> 
> Be sure to let me know which your favourite oneshot was and as always any feedback in general makes my day!
> 
> Also be sure to follow me on twitter (bloggerhowell) and on tumblr (cafephan) :) 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading, it honestly means the world to me xx
> 
> Also happy birthday to the man himself, live it up in Vegas and have a round on all of us okay just take it easy and try not to pass out in the hotel pool


End file.
